A blessing in disguise

If you didn’t know already, I never celebrated Christmas. I grew up in a Christian cult and the only thing we were allowed to celebrated was our birthdays. From Easter to Christmas and all in between were forbidden. I always made up lies to tell my friends at school when I was younger. I remember everyone came back from Christmas break raving about their new toys and all the presents they got. And I always felt so out of place, like I didn’t belong. How could I when I didn’t get anything. So I decorated the truth. I scraped together all the small bits and pieces I received during the December month and often said that that was what I got for Christmas. I even told lies about what we did and ate on Christmas eve. I was ashamed of what people might think if I told them the truth. The truth being that I’ve never celebrated it.  

Looking back at it know, I see it as a blessing in disguise. I don’t have to say goodbye from a celebration that I never took part of. I don’t have to lie to my family that I cannot make their festivities. Because honestly there are non, even now over a decade after leaving the cult. I don’t have to remove my hijab to fit into their standards. I don’t have to navigate through the dinner to avoid eating pork. Today I saw the huge blessing I was given and somewhat advantage. 

My heart goes out to all of you reverts who have found Islam and the beauty in it, but are still trying to navigate your new life with your old. I pray that Allah swt makes it easy for you and softens the hearts of your families so that you don’t have to do something against your religion and faith, to keep familie ties aligned. May Allah swt reward you for your efforts and insha’Allah it will get easier, ameen.

Elizabeth

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My goals for 2021

Since my last post was all about the things I didn’t achieve in 2020, I wanted to make a new list for 2021. The year started off with a new lock-down periode, at least here in Norway. And I totally still feel like I’m stuck in the middle of December of 2020. I thought it would be beneficial for me to write down some goals for this year. It’s great to have something specific to work towards. We might not be over the pandemic just yet but I can already feel that this year will be better than the last. It has to be! So let’s begin, shall we.

My goals for this year:

• Learn a new Surah
• Read more books
• Get a full time job
• Have a YouTube schedule
• Post on IG again
• Learn the box step when jumping rope
• Finish a 5k run in 30 minutes

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For now this is my list. I struggle to find books I can relate to so if you have any suggestions, please comment down below. I have also started to post on my public Instagram so if you want to check it out I will link my IG here.

Lots of love,

Elizabeth

What I didn’t accomplish in 2020

Last year on the 1/1/2020 I wrote a blog post about what my 2020 goals were. This was 3 month before the pandemic, before the world shut down. Non of us could predict what year this would become but I’m sure everyone is happy that we’re saying goodbye tonight.

Last year I had this on my new year’s resolution list:

• WRITE IN MY GRATEFUL JOURNAL EACH DAY
• FAST IN RAMADAN
• WORKOUT & FINISH 5K RUN
• FOLLOW THE 12 HOUR FAST
• TRAVEL – AMSTERDAM, ISLAND…?
• KØBENHAVN BOAT TRIP
• MAJOR 25TH BIRTHDAY PRESENT 
• CONTINUE MAKING YOUTUBE VIDEOS
• POST ON IG AGAIN…? (BIG QUESTIONMARK)
• BUY LESS IN 2020
• SEW A DOLL FOR MY DAUGHTER
• SEARCH FOR A FULL TIME JOB
• GET MY MOTORCYCLE LICENSE IN 2020

I can honestly say that I did not accomplish all of these goals. Some I were unable to do because of the strict travel ban & I didn’t feel safe travelling otherwise. Others I was too hesitant to try and scared of the criticism I would receive. My list for 2021 is not long, in fact – I didn’t write one for this year. I always seem to fall short of them anyway and I don’t want to disappoint myself. I do believe I would benefit from more routines and structure in my life next year. Like having specific days to workout, filming youtube videos, bed time routine and so forth.

These are the things I didn’t accomplish in 2020:

• I did not write in my Grateful Journal every day (but I came very close).
• I did not finish a 5k run.
• I did not travel this year.
• I did not take a boat trip to København.
• I did not post on IG again.
• I did not buy less in 2020, unfortunately.
• I did not sew a doll for my daughter (but I bought her one).

I am however very proud to have fasted in Ramadan, having a great 25th birthday where we went to an amusement park and rented a tiny house on Airbnb. I searched for more jobs at the end of the year and also went on interviews. Most of all I’m proud to finally have my motorcycle license. A dream of mine for as long as I can remember.

Let’s look forward to a brighter future & hope for a great 2021.

Elizabeth

Grateful for another year

Today has physically and mentally been a long day. Even though it didn’t turn out the way I imagined, I’m so grateful for another year. You see, today is my birthday. 25 years ago my life started and I’m so grateful to have turned 25. Even though the number always scares me a little bit every year. But the thing is – I don’t feel 25. I guess it’s because I had this imagine of how 25 would feel and look like from a young age. And now that it has arrived, I don’t feel a day over 20, maybe 21. It’s like time stopped 5 years ago, even though it didn’t. 

My plans today were having a huge breakfast, taking my son to daycare and then continuing the day with my daughter. I planned to meet my mum and we would have coffee and cake. I would take her home to my house and cut her hair, pick up my son and start dinner. I wanted my brother to come visit us and we would all have cake together, and maybe I would open some presents. All of this never happened because it couldn’t. And even though we plan, God plans as well and He is the Best of Planners. 

Today didn’t happen has I imagined but I’m still so grateful for the family I’ve got, for my two healthy children who even at hard times bring a smile to my face, and for another year. God willing, I will have many more to come with my family by my side. 

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Elizabeth

This saddens my heart

I miss the nights in Ramadan. When the night falls deep into a sleep and you are alone with your Lord. I miss the feeling of completely serving my Lord with the intentions to only please Him.

It saddens my heart that for each year it seems like we lose more and more people to this dunya. Don’t feel tempted to follow the footsteps of Shaytan. He only sits on the Straight Path to send you astray. And his whispers are only filled with lies and deception. 

Hold on to that last string of faith and recharge your imaan. Trust me, I know it can be hard. How tempting isn’t this world, with all it’s beautifications. But one thing is for sure; it will end and everything you have left are your deeds. So make them many and make them good. God willing, the good will overweight the bad on the day of Judgement and our faces will be shinning bright. 

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Elizabeth

Where is your freedom now

You tell me I am oppressed because of the way I dress.
You tell me I am oppressed because I cover my hair.
You tell me I am oppressed because I choose not to hug nor kiss you.

Now you are outside covering your face and your hands.
And you neither touch nor kiss someone,
because you are scared of the dangerous corona virus.

Science is now telling you how to dress and act with others.
Allah has always told me how to dress and act with others.

You are afraid of the virus.
I am afraid of Allah.

You want to be saved from the epidemic.
I want to be saved from the hell fire.

Now who of us is oppressed?

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Elizabeth

Another chapter is closing

Leaving you behind will be one of the hardest things I’ll have to do. You are growing up and I wish I could go back and experience it all again. Even the long, sleepless nights. The laughter and heartbreak. It’s going too fast and soon it’s gone. I can’t even remember the little things. Your first smile or the first time you laughed. This time last year I had you so close, our hearts beating next to each other. Can we go back together, just you and I? Let’s live it again, even the hard times. I wouldn’t want it any other way because it was you. It was always you.
Momma loves you.

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Elizabeth

That summer day

I just got a text from you.
It’s been months since we’ve talked.
I’ve gotten used to living without your present.
I don’t even feel the urge to look what you have to say.
But somehow I couldn’t stop my fingers from sliding the page open-
scrolling down to the last message.
I expected my heart to stop for a split second
but my feelings where numb towards you.
You know we didn’t end it on the best note that summer.
I still remember the heart break, like it was last week.
That’s how I know it was real.
I never seemed to work up the courage to wipe out the messy page
we left on that summer day.

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Elizabeth

2019 THROWBACK

Week by week this is what I did last year.

1. Finding out the gender of our 2nd child.
2. Punctured a tire on the car.
3. Went to the movies w/ my mum & saw ‘Second Act’.
4. Visited my friend at her new apartment & brought her salt & bread.
5. First night our son slept in his own room.
6. 50% on sick leave from work.
7. Spent the afternoon w/ my mum.
8. Drove to Sweden with the family to buy food.
9. Met my friend after not seeing each other for one year.
10. My son and I spent a whole afternoon w/ my dad in Oslo.
11. Flew to Paris w/ my mum (& my daughter).
12. Renovated our new kitchen table from the thrift store.
13. Celebrated my mum’s birthday w/ my brother.
14. Met my best friends.
15. Visited my old school w/ my friend and my son.
16. Easter holiday – worked all week.
17. Drove to IKEA & went to a fabric store in Oslo alone.
18. Food shopping in Sweden w/ the family.
19. Start of Ramadan. Watched ‘The Hustle’ at the cinema w/ my mum.
20. Started maternity leave.
21. 38 week control.
22. First Kindergarten visit & visit from my mum. Our daughter was born.
23. Eid celebration w/ my husband’s family.
24. Visit from my friend & went shopping.
25. Food- and kids market w/ my children, mum and brother.
26. Met my best friends & celebrated my friend’s birthday together.
27. Breakfast at my dad’s.
28. 1st motorcycle ride w/ my dad. Met my friend & went to a cafe & the beach.
29. Met my friend at her house w/ my kids & her nephew.
30. Beach day w/ the family.
31. First day in kindergarten for my son & met my niece for the 1st time.
32. Shopping day w/ the family. Akvarium visit w/ my mum and the kids.
33. Norway’s biggest amusement park w/ my husband’s family.
34. Visited an open farm w/ my children.
35. Celebrated my 24th birthday w/ my mum, dad, brother, husband and kids. Also bought a new car.
36. 1st day back at work.
37. Goodbye dinner for a dear colleague.
38. 1st time our daughter tried baby food (mashed potatoes).
39. Last MC ride of the year.
40. Sweden w/ the family – food shopping.
41. Gokart w/ my brother & husband.
42. Our daughter rolls over for the first time.
43. Sunday breakfast at my dad’s.
44. Visited a huge soft play area w/ my husbands family and kids.
45. Sweden w/ my mum and daughter.
46. My son had to go to the doctor’s.
47. Met my friend.
48. Picked up my mum from the airport. Witnessed a motorcycle crash.
49. Brunch at my dad’s.
50. Sweden w/ my mum and daughter.
51. Cinema w/ my mum – we watched Jumanji: The next level.
52. First roadtrip w/ the family to Gothenburg.

Elizabeth

2020 GOALS

So everyone is in bed which is unusual because I’m never the one to be up alone in the evening. But I really do want to get my new years resolutions down on paper, or better yet – computer. And I thought I would share them with you as well.  

• WRITE IN MY GRATEFUL JOURNAL EACH DAY
• FAST IN RAMADAN
• WORKOUT & FINISH 5K RUN
• FOLLOW THE 12 HOUR FAST
• TRAVEL – AMSTERDAM, ISLAND…?
• KØBENHAVN BOAT TRIP
• MAJOR 25TH BIRTHDAY PRESENT 
• CONTINUE MAKING YOUTUBE VIDEOS
• POST ON IG AGAIN…? (BIG QUESTIONMARK)
• BUY LESS IN 2020
• SEW A DOLL FOR MY DAUGHTER
• SEARCH FOR A FULL TIME JOB
• GET MY MOTORCYCLE LICENSE IN 2020

New years eve is always this big fuss and you’d think it will be a huge moment when the clock strikes twelve but most often than not it’s just another minute passing us by. Suddenly we’ve past a decade and looking at the fireworks welcoming a new year. Beginnings are always nice because they mean a fresh and maybe even different start for so many. But at the end of the day it’s just a new day that welcomes us. We are lucky to witness it and we should count our luck and be grateful for another year. 

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Do you have any new years resolutions – if so what are they?

Elizabeth