· It’s easy to hide behind a pretty smile ·

You know when life gets a little bit too hard? When nothing goes your way?

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The sun was shinning, spring was coming and the cold wind was slowly fading away. I couldn’t put my finger on it but somehow I ended up crying. Some days it felt like everyday. In the morning – while driving to work. At work – suddenly getting a pinch in my gut and the tears would try to press down on my checks. Or in the evening – crying myself to sleep.

I’m distant, cold and alone. Nobody understands. It’s an indescribable situation and I couldn’t explain it to anyone. The only word I could find describing me was ‘depressed’.

I wanted it all to disappear. I wanted my life to have a meaning. And I still do, but I wouldn’t know where to start with mine. I know we walk this earth for a reason. For some it’s a short life of pleasure, but for us all this is only the test. I like to believe I was born for a reason, to make a change and influence my being by helping others. But there are these times where the reason is getting unclear and it’s all a blur.

I didn’t have a good, decent reason to be sad. I couldn’t complain, but somehow the voice inside me was drowning me with insecurities and helpless thoughts.

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It comes in periods, and the thoughts sneak up on you. Some days are better then others. Most days fly by and time is running through the hourglass like sand through my hands. It’s not easy to find help or be the helping hand catching you, but for me this is my helping hand.

Elizabeth

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