In desperate need of sleep

What was suppose to be a stressless evening turned out to be far from that. My own fault really, cause I always get so invested in projects I do and have zero patience with myself. I always wish that I can learn everything at once and it just works right away, but it usually never does.

Today I spent my hours from 8 pm till now in front of the computer. Actually two computers. Photoshop on one and YouTube on the other. I was determined to finish a new profile picture, channel art and a watermark.

I’m only 100% happy with the new channel art, the other two I still have to tweak and fix. Other than that I have a headache and I’m in desperate need of sleep. But I guarantee you, I’ll be laying in bed another hour before I fall asleep. At least that’s what happened last night.

Good night

Elizabeth

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Back at work & feeling lazy

I’ve been back at work the last two days after having (almost) a one year break. It’s safe to say I was quite nervous on Monday. Luckily I eased myself into it, only working a couple of hours a day and my first ‘customer’ was a college. Yesterday though, I had 2 paying customers. It felt like it went in slow motion, especially the first cut, but I managed to be done in time.

Today I have a day off and even though I feel like I do something ever single day, whether it’s laundry, cleaning or just look after my son, I can’t help to feel lazy. I don’t know why and I wish I didn’t beat myself up over it. It’s like everyone around me is so productive and I’m not even halfway to my goals.


We did manage to create a new office space so hopefully the creativity will just be flowing in this room. I really want to start sewing again reguallary and actually finish pieces I love and would want to wear. I have some huge ideas, I just don’t know how to get them down to paper and where to start. Fixing my serger to the right stitch lengths has also been a battle. I still have to figure out what the right settings are and how in the world I’m going to use it probably.

Wish me luck!  

Elizabeth

The end of a mini holiday

We actually managed to get down to breakfast an hour before it closed. Which is a new record for this trip, but with my son on one arm and a plate on the other, there was just so much I could get. Luckily my mum came a few minutes later and helped us out. It’s impossible to let my son go on his own because he’ll just run off to the next stranger.
On our second day and last full day in Gothenburg we made our way to Universum. Luckily the weather was on our side and we managed to walk there without any poring rain. From 2 pm til 6 pm we stayed at this magnificent place where there were both fish, birds, and butterflies. We started off with a walk in the aquarium, before we took a coffee break and a diaper change. Late afternoon, right at my sons nap time, we made our way with him on back, into the rainforest. The air was thick and warm but after a couple of minutes you can get used to it.
That evening we stayed at the hotel and had our dinner there. We both ate pasta, mine vegetarian. After dinner we all stayed at the playing area before we went up to our room. Next morning started early at 7 am with our last breakfast and a check out at 12. We were on our way back but we took a shopping break right near the border. We weren’t home before 9.30 pm but it was totally worth it!
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Elizabeth

The beginning of a mini holiday

The last three days I’ve been away on holiday. I already miss the holiday feeling, starting with a continual breakfast where you can (almost) have anything you want for breakfast. Then my own workout room awaited me since no one else seemed to be working out in the hotel. After that there was hours of fun & adventure in the city.

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We drove down to Gothenburg on Sunday early afternoon. It took less than 4 hours as we switched on driving which was a relief. My son slept a long way down but woke up halfway there and started to get a little bit restless in the end. But for a 10 months old he did very well.

After checking in at 3 pm we went up to our room, settled in before we went out to the amusement park just around the corner. Unfortunately it was raining so heavily just as we turned the corner that we decided to go back to the hotel and call a cab. This would mean we would have to wait another 30 minutes and the park was already closing in less than 3 hours. So we made our way to our own car and drove down the street. With our luck we actually managed to take a wrong turn and a 2 minute drive turned in to 10 minutes. In the end we found a parking spot which we only payed 11 kroner (1 pound) for and with a walking distance we where at the park.

Such lovely lights and holiday feeling we got while walking through the park. We stopped to eat at a very cold restaurant but we had to fill our stomachs before we enjoyed the rest of the remaining time at the park. On our way back we stopped at a local food store before we took an early night in.

 

Elizabeth

I wish the day had more than 24 hours

I desperately need more hours in the day. It’s frustrating to know that the day is coming to an end and I’ve hardly done anything productive. Most of my days start off very early but today I got to sleep til 8 am which I can’t remember when I’ve done last. Jumping out of bed, checking to my baby because I though he was already up. He wasn’t which made it possible to go to the toilet in peace and make breakfast. Between breakfast and my son’s first nap I managed to workout. He didn’t wake up before after my shower which was amazing, but after that the day just went into a blur.

We drove to his grandparents in the early afternoon and came home 2 hours later. That would give me more than enough time to do what I need to do. But between diaper changes, making dinner and giving my son a bath there’s not much time left for me.


I’ve been sitting at my sewing machine for the last hour but I just can’t get it to work properly. I’ve seen X amount of YouTube videos on ‘how to’. Everything from threading to sewing, but they all make it seem so simple and here I am still struggling. If I haven’t told you I got a SERGER for my birthday this year but it was bough on eBay so it wasn’t exactly brand new. I thought I could just sit down and start sewing but one problem after another started appearing. I’ve change both knives, needles and all 4 threads – and I still can’t figure it out. Why does everything have to be so bloody difficult with me?
That was my Sunday rant. I just had to get it out so that I wouldn’t go crazy. Sometimes I wish things would just be simple, but I guess that’s just too much to ask for.

Anyway, I hope for a better day tomorrow. Until then, goodnight.

Elizabeth

300 days since..

I’ve just scrolled threw all of the videos I’ve taken this past year with my son. Trying to soak up every sent and smell from him as long as possible. Kissing him as soon as the opportunity arrives because I know that I have to go back to work, leaving him for X amount of hours every day. I don’t even want to think about it but I know that is the reality. I wish I could rewind and do it all over again. The light night feeds, the first smile and laugh, and even all the diaper changes. I wouldn’t mind it at all if it meant I could spend it with my first born child again.

Everyone says the time will go fast but it truly ran away from me when he turned 6 months. Until then I had some sort of grip on the time I had with him, but when he started being more mobil and communicating more, even the fact that he started eating solids made a huge difference. I didn’t have that closeness to him as I did before and now he’s walking everywhere, being so active and milk from me is no longer interesting.
I don’t know what the future holds or how our days will develop, and to be honest I’m sacred of the unknown. But to be truthful I was scared before I got my son too and it turned out pretty awesome.
Elizabeth

My faith is between me and my Lord

So I just got a comment on YouTube where someone told me that I don’t dress appropriately for being a muslim and that it is not the way that Prophet Muhammad (saw – peace be upon him) said women should dress. I immediately felt attacked and after thinking twice about it I ended up deleting the comment. But here I am 5 minutes later thinking about it. That’s the thing though – it may be gone from my platform it’s still in my life.

I understand the need to comment and let people know what is right and what is wrong, but on the other hand it’s not always your place. You might think it’s your responsibility, but you have no idea how hard it is for me to not only put on the hijab but to dress modestly all together. It wasn’t before a couple of months ago that I started slowly to cover my hair. And there was no other reason than for Allah (God).
You may be raised in a muslim community or family and it might be second nature to cover all together and only where the jilbab or abaya & hijab. But for me, someone who is raised in a non-muslim family in the west, who just recently converted, it’s not easy. I have struggled so much with it to the point where I didn’t want to come near it. And you telling me that my effort is not enough is not your place.
Please think twice before you think to comment on a subject that is essentially between me and my God. At the end of the day He knows my effort and what is in my heart, and that’s all that counts.

Astaghfirullah for my past
Alhamdulillah for today
Insha’Allah for my future

Elizabeth