Life

Pregnancy & Body Image

You’re suppose to feel this overwhelming sense of joy when you’re pregnant. And anything else would just be unusual.

Well, it’s not. Your body goes through A LOT of changes in only 9 months. And even though you might be the only one knowing it for the first months, you’ll rapidly start to grow and show. And you can’t make your body stop getting bigger. You can exercise and eat as healthy as one only can with daily cravings, but in the end, you’ll get big.

You’ll hear comments like; “You’ve gotten so big. Are you sure there aren’t two in there”. It’s frustrating cause it’s like no one knows what you’re actually going through. And who knows if you’ll ever get back to the size you were before. The invisible pressure is definitely there.

Even as this is my second child I’m much bigger than what I was with my first. I keep telling myself that I’ll get back to my ‘normal’ self and this in it self is a miracle. But as much as it is a miracle, and I am truly grateful to be a mother again, I can’t help to feel like I’m not myself.

I don’t feel sexy in my body, I don’t feel as confident. Most of the time I feel bloated and like I have to pee every hour. I’ll never have my abs back to normal and my bellybutton will most likely not go back to it’s normal self. And I feel guilty for feeling this way. Because my body is getting bigger and I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror, even though I’m creating a human being inside of me.


Elizabeth

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Life

A whirlwind of a week

Monday

The last couple of days have been so crazy. It all started on Monday where I had a chill day with my son until he fell into an accident. I got so overwhelmed and guilty that I couldn’t protect him. Luckily his bruises are almost healed and he was back on his feet in no time.

Tuesday

Tuesday I got an email about a phone interview I had Friday morning, just when I thought there was no hope left.

Wednesday

On Wednesday I had to bring my car into the repair shop so that I could continue on driving it the next 2 years. That meant waking up at 6.30am, driving to the next town an hour later and then wait a whole day till the car was fixed. We did spend the morning having a hotel breakfast and continued on with shopping and a walk back home to my mums. Whilst my son was taking his afternoon nap which he had been procrastinating, I could finally breath out and relax.

Thursday

I got another interview call on Thursday which meant I got to meet my mum again so that she could watch my son. It went fairly well and we enjoyed an afternoon outside before we drove back home where I then colored her hair.

I actually got another call yesterday morning while I was at the health station with my son for his last baby vaccine. Another store wanted me in for an interview and we settled for today at 1pm.

Friday

Starting off today fairly early at 7.30am, I had breakfast and got ready for my first interview. Around noon I had to drive, yet again to my mums to pick her up so that she could watch my son while I went to my second interview.

It has literally felt like I’ve been running around everywhere and meeting so many new people in such a short amount of time. On top of that I have another interview on Monday at a clothing store which I’m super excited about. But first I have to take this weekend to rewind and unplug. My feet are killing me and I’m in desperate need of a lot of sleep.

Wish me luck!

Elizabeth

Life

Always a mother first

A sick little child is fast asleep and I’m hoping and praying that my little boy will get well soon. Tiny bodies like his shouldn’t have to go through being sick three times in less than two months. Especially when his illness lasts a week or more.

All three of us have caught some sort of cold, one worse than the last. I even took a late night drive to the grocery store to buy lemons and ginger. If only I could be sick for him, but I know it doesn’t work like that.

But I’ll always be a mother first no matter job I have or how old I get. Very reassuring in a way but with a great deal of responsibility. There’s nothing more comforting than to know that I can hold my baby boy and he’ll feel safe right in my arms.

Elizabeth

Little things

My pride and joy

My baby boy
My pride and joy
How could I ever imagine a life without you
If I could I would protect you from any harm that could affect you

Your smile lights up my day
Even bad days you get me through
My light, my sunshine

What would I do without you
I could never imagine a life without you now
And I pray that I can get a life long with you by my side

Elizabeth

Life

Back at work & feeling lazy

I’ve been back at work the last two days after having (almost) a one year break. It’s safe to say I was quite nervous on Monday. Luckily I eased myself into it, only working a couple of hours a day and my first ‘customer’ was a college. Yesterday though, I had 2 paying customers. It felt like it went in slow motion, especially the first cut, but I managed to be done in time.

Today I have a day off and even though I feel like I do something ever single day, whether it’s laundry, cleaning or just look after my son, I can’t help to feel lazy. I don’t know why and I wish I didn’t beat myself up over it. It’s like everyone around me is so productive and I’m not even halfway to my goals.


We did manage to create a new office space so hopefully the creativity will just be flowing in this room. I really want to start sewing again reguallary and actually finish pieces I love and would want to wear. I have some huge ideas, I just don’t know how to get them down to paper and where to start. Fixing my serger to the right stitch lengths has also been a battle. I still have to figure out what the right settings are and how in the world I’m going to use it probably.

Wish me luck!  

Elizabeth

Life

I wish the day had more than 24 hours

I desperately need more hours in the day. It’s frustrating to know that the day is coming to an end and I’ve hardly done anything productive. Most of my days start off very early but today I got to sleep til 8 am which I can’t remember when I’ve done last. Jumping out of bed, checking to my baby because I though he was already up. He wasn’t which made it possible to go to the toilet in peace and make breakfast. Between breakfast and my son’s first nap I managed to workout. He didn’t wake up before after my shower which was amazing, but after that the day just went into a blur.

We drove to his grandparents in the early afternoon and came home 2 hours later. That would give me more than enough time to do what I need to do. But between diaper changes, making dinner and giving my son a bath there’s not much time left for me.


I’ve been sitting at my sewing machine for the last hour but I just can’t get it to work properly. I’ve seen X amount of YouTube videos on ‘how to’. Everything from threading to sewing, but they all make it seem so simple and here I am still struggling. If I haven’t told you I got a SERGER for my birthday this year but it was bough on eBay so it wasn’t exactly brand new. I thought I could just sit down and start sewing but one problem after another started appearing. I’ve change both knives, needles and all 4 threads – and I still can’t figure it out. Why does everything have to be so bloody difficult with me?
That was my Sunday rant. I just had to get it out so that I wouldn’t go crazy. Sometimes I wish things would just be simple, but I guess that’s just too much to ask for.

Anyway, I hope for a better day tomorrow. Until then, goodnight.

Elizabeth

Life

300 days since..

I’ve just scrolled threw all of the videos I’ve taken this past year with my son. Trying to soak up every sent and smell from him as long as possible. Kissing him as soon as the opportunity arrives because I know that I have to go back to work, leaving him for X amount of hours every day. I don’t even want to think about it but I know that is the reality. I wish I could rewind and do it all over again. The light night feeds, the first smile and laugh, and even all the diaper changes. I wouldn’t mind it at all if it meant I could spend it with my first born child again.

Everyone says the time will go fast but it truly ran away from me when he turned 6 months. Until then I had some sort of grip on the time I had with him, but when he started being more mobil and communicating more, even the fact that he started eating solids made a huge difference. I didn’t have that closeness to him as I did before and now he’s walking everywhere, being so active and milk from me is no longer interesting.
I don’t know what the future holds or how our days will develop, and to be honest I’m sacred of the unknown. But to be truthful I was scared before I got my son too and it turned out pretty awesome.
Elizabeth