Leaving you behind will be one of the hardest things I’ll have to do. You are growing up and I wish I could go back and experience it all again. Even the long, sleepless nights. The laughter and heartbreak. It’s going too fast and soon it’s gone. I can’t even remember the little things. Your first smile or the first time you laughed. This time last year I had you so close, our hearts beating next to each other. Can we go back together, just you and I? Let’s live it again, even the hard times. I wouldn’t want it any other way because it was you. It was always you.
Momma loves you.
A 100 days ago I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. 4920 grams and 50 cm of pure love wrapped into one tiny human being. 3 months later I can see her smiling back at me when I look at her and all of my worries fade away. The world stops for minute and it’s just us. Then the noise from the outside world start tumbling in again but that smile remains. And after 9 long months she is finally kicking her feet of joy and excitement. There is nothing more beautiful and precious than to see your children grow up right beside you. And losing either one of them would be my greatest fear.
Tomorrow will be my first day back at work since going out on maternity leave 3 weeks before my baby girl came. My head is totally ready for it but my heart is still yearning to be with my child. I’m overwhelmed with emotions and don’t really know what to focus on. But I know it will be good for me, and I’m ready to take the leap.
The first Saturday in September, 3 months after giving birth, I’m back at it, and I’m ready.
The last couple of weeks have turned into a blur. All merged into one. I don’t even remember when one stops and the next one starts. I fill my day with tasks & goals so that my time won’t be left meaningless. The one thing I wish I had more of – time. Whilst I know my time is ending, the time of my children are just beginning, God willing. But that makes days like these so much more valuable.
I started my day off like I always do – enjoying a homemade breakfast with my son. Around noon I jumped in the car with my daughter to drive and pick up my friend from work. We enjoyed our afternoon outside, finding a cute cafe were we could sit and chat for a while. The day only got better when we decided to buy two baskets of strawberries and then swing by at home to get my son. Norwegian summer doesn’t last very long so when the weather is good you’ll find most people at the beach, where we also ended up. Even though it took a while to get used to the cold water, it was still nice.
A day to remember. Now I’m hoping that my daughter will fall asleep soon so that I too can catch some Zzzz. Good night.
Both my babies are in bed now, even though it happened to get a bit earlier for my son. But since he missed his afternoon nap today he was eagerly asleep once we put him down. It’s been 11 days since our little girl arrived and the days are slowly flying by. My due date was just four days ago but I’m so glad she came early. I don’t know what I would have done if I’d go another minute of being pregnant. I’m enjoying every moment of being a mom of two, trying to find our new routine and having lots of family time. I know a labor & delivery story is still missing from this page and my YouTube, but they are in the works. In the mean time let me reminisces of the things I don’t really miss from my pregnancy.
5 Things I don’t miss from being pregnancy
- Itching all over my growing belly
- Not having any clothes that fit properly
- Seeing new stretch marks
- Not being able to go an hour without using the bathroom
- Having extreme back pain at the end of the day
With that being said, I’m never going to be ungrateful for the miracle I have in my life. After nine long and painful months, she is finally here and I’m so lucky and thankful.
It has been 9 long months but the wait is over. And while I waited for my little baby girl to arrive, I found myself doing various tasks around the house to get the time to pass. As I went along I added things to my to-do list and every time I added something it seemed as if I would never get my list done.
Cleaning the house – several times. Including washing the windows on the inside and outside. Washing our sofa cover. Cleaning the entire kitchen, inside and outside the cabins. And the usual dusting and vacuuming.
Washing baby clothes. I still had some clothes from my son that I though were unisex which I dug out while I simultaneously went through his old clothes and gave some away for donation. I also received a lot of clothes from colleges that needed a wash and some new clothes I bough just for our baby girl.
Sewing. I actually did quite a lot of sewing while I waited for the baby to arrive. I had a list of things I wanted to make and it was a perfect time to get around to it since I had a lot of spare time on my hands. The only tricky part was getting around to cut out all the fabric since my belly was mostly in the way. But I did manage to make a jacket, a bedsheet and up-cycling some old clothes.
Baking. Now I wish I did more of this but manage to make a cake or two, one of which was a delicious carrot cake.
Colouring my hair. The last week I was really bored and scratched my brain to find something to do. I got more and more sick of seeing my dull hair so I ordered some hair bleach and colour. When my products finally arrived I took my hairdressing skills to the test and changed my hair.
Making YouTube videos. Now I knew I wanted to have a little break from filming when the baby arrived so I decided to pre film a couple of videos which I will post soon.
Packing our hospital bag. I waited till I was 35 weeks pregnant to get on with packing the hospital bag. If you want to see the content of my bag I will leave the video link here.
Giving my son a hair cut. Yet again I found my hairdressing skills come to use and actually managed to cut my sons hair twice before the baby arrived. I love seeing him with short, clean cut hair – it makes him look so fresh and young.
we heart it
That’s how I spend somewhat of my time waiting for our baby girl. I also had some shifts at work when they needed me and spent a lot of quality time with our son. Now a new routine awaits us and I’m excited to see what that will mean.
These words are for you
As long as I can remember I’ve wanted to meet you
I don’t ever want you to think you’re not meant to be
Because this was planned by the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Wondering who you’ll become
Thinking about our time together
Hoping I can live up to your expectations
Wishing we’ll never fight –
Knowing fully that there will be days
were I’m not going to be your favourite
I pray you’ll never feel restrained by our religion
And grow up to love Islam & Allah
Knowing what our goal is
Because I want to meet you again in Paradise
I hope I can be the one you look up to –
The one you can turn to
I’m going to try my best
but so scared I’ll disappoint you,
that I’ll disappoint myself
Scared of the world you’ll grow up in
Knowing I won’t be able to protect you
You’re suppose to feel this overwhelming sense of joy when you’re pregnant. And anything else would just be unusual.
Well, it’s not. Your body goes through A LOT of changes in only 9 months. And even though you might be the only one knowing it for the first months, you’ll rapidly start to grow and show. And you can’t make your body stop getting bigger. You can exercise and eat as healthy as one only can with daily cravings, but in the end, you’ll get big.
You’ll hear comments like; “You’ve gotten so big. Are you sure there aren’t two in there”. It’s frustrating cause it’s like no one knows what you’re actually going through. And who knows if you’ll ever get back to the size you were before. The invisible pressure is definitely there.
Even as this is my second child I’m much bigger than what I was with my first. I keep telling myself that I’ll get back to my ‘normal’ self and this in it self is a miracle. But as much as it is a miracle, and I am truly grateful to be a mother again, I can’t help to feel like I’m not myself.
I don’t feel sexy in my body, I don’t feel as confident. Most of the time I feel bloated and like I have to pee every hour. I’ll never have my abs back to normal and my bellybutton will most likely not go back to it’s normal self. And I feel guilty for feeling this way. Because my body is getting bigger and I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror, even though I’m creating a human being inside of me.
The last couple of days have been so crazy. It all started on Monday where I had a chill day with my son until he fell into an accident. I got so overwhelmed and guilty that I couldn’t protect him. Luckily his bruises are almost healed and he was back on his feet in no time.
Tuesday I got an email about a phone interview I had Friday morning, just when I thought there was no hope left.
On Wednesday I had to bring my car into the repair shop so that I could continue on driving it the next 2 years. That meant waking up at 6.30am, driving to the next town an hour later and then wait a whole day till the car was fixed. We did spend the morning having a hotel breakfast and continued on with shopping and a walk back home to my mums. Whilst my son was taking his afternoon nap which he had been procrastinating, I could finally breath out and relax.
I got another interview call on Thursday which meant I got to meet my mum again so that she could watch my son. It went fairly well and we enjoyed an afternoon outside before we drove back home where I then colored her hair.
I actually got another call yesterday morning while I was at the health station with my son for his last baby vaccine. Another store wanted me in for an interview and we settled for today at 1pm.
Starting off today fairly early at 7.30am, I had breakfast and got ready for my first interview. Around noon I had to drive, yet again to my mums to pick her up so that she could watch my son while I went to my second interview.
It has literally felt like I’ve been running around everywhere and meeting so many new people in such a short amount of time. On top of that I have another interview on Monday at a clothing store which I’m super excited about. But first I have to take this weekend to rewind and unplug. My feet are killing me and I’m in desperate need of a lot of sleep.
Wish me luck!
A sick little child is fast asleep and I’m hoping and praying that my little boy will get well soon. Tiny bodies like his shouldn’t have to go through being sick three times in less than two months. Especially when his illness lasts a week or more.
All three of us have caught some sort of cold, one worse than the last. I even took a late night drive to the grocery store to buy lemons and ginger. If only I could be sick for him, but I know it doesn’t work like that.
But I’ll always be a mother first no matter job I have or how old I get. Very reassuring in a way but with a great deal of responsibility. There’s nothing more comforting than to know that I can hold my baby boy and he’ll feel safe right in my arms.