Both my babies are in bed now, even though it happened to get a bit earlier for my son. But since he missed his afternoon nap today he was eagerly asleep once we put him down. It’s been 11 days since our little girl arrived and the days are slowly flying by. My due date was just four days ago but I’m so glad she came early. I don’t know what I would have done if I’d go another minute of being pregnant. I’m enjoying every moment of being a mom of two, trying to find our new routine and having lots of family time. I know a labor & delivery story is still missing from this page and my YouTube, but they are in the works. In the mean time let me reminisces of the things I don’t really miss from my pregnancy.
5 Things I don’t miss from being pregnancy
- Itching all over my growing belly
- Not having any clothes that fit properly
- Seeing new stretch marks
- Not being able to go an hour without using the bathroom
- Having extreme back pain at the end of the day
With that being said, I’m never going to be ungrateful for the miracle I have in my life. After nine long and painful months, she is finally here and I’m so lucky and thankful.
Today was a mess, at least emotionally it was. I hardly write anything personal but I’ve felt so disconnected the last couple of days and only wrote the necessary. My head full with unanswered questions and my heart still holding on to the little bit of hope I have left. I’m not going to get into details but just writing that little phrase there helped. Talking helps, but nobody asks so there’s no one to tell my worries to. I write, but who reads my journals? That’s why it’s all just a mess.
I don’t want to complain because I’m having an amazing holiday and I’m so glad time stands a little bit more still here. Even now I still got 2 weeks left. But the thing that had me wanting to fly home right this second is fading and I’m scared. I’m scared I’ll come home to emptiness with a broken heart. I guess that’s what happens when you open your heart and you’re blinded by how much control another person has for your feelings. I could blame myself, that I dove in way too fast again. And all I’m left with now is checking my phone every five minutes.
When we love we love a lot. And even when the love is fading we hold on to the minimal love that is left and hope that our feelings will renew.
How much can you change for another person before losing yourself?