Today has physically and mentally been a long day. Even though it didn’t turn out the way I imagined, I’m so grateful for another year. You see, today is my birthday. 25 years ago my life started and I’m so grateful to have turned 25. Even though the number always scares me a little bit every year. But the thing is – I don’t feel 25. I guess it’s because I had this imagine of how 25 would feel and look like from a young age. And now that it has arrived, I don’t feel a day over 20, maybe 21. It’s like time stopped 5 years ago, even though it didn’t.
My plans today were having a huge breakfast, taking my son to daycare and then continuing the day with my daughter. I planned to meet my mum and we would have coffee and cake. I would take her home to my house and cut her hair, pick up my son and start dinner. I wanted my brother to come visit us and we would all have cake together, and maybe I would open some presents. All of this never happened because it couldn’t. And even though we plan, God plans as well and He is the Best of Planners.
Today didn’t happen has I imagined but I’m still so grateful for the family I’ve got, for my two healthy children who even at hard times bring a smile to my face, and for another year. God willing, I will have many more to come with my family by my side.
I miss the nights in Ramadan. When the night falls deep into a sleep and you are alone with your Lord. I miss the feeling of completely serving my Lord with the intentions to only please Him.
It saddens my heart that for each year it seems like we lose more and more people to this dunya. Don’t feel tempted to follow the footsteps of Shaytan. He only sits on the Straight Path to send you astray. And his whispers are only filled with lies and deception.
Hold on to that last string of faith and recharge your imaan. Trust me, I know it can be hard. How tempting isn’t this world, with all it’s beautifications. But one thing is for sure; it will end and everything you have left are your deeds. So make them many and make them good. God willing, the good will overweight the bad on the day of Judgement and our faces will be shinning bright.
You tell me I am oppressed because of the way I dress.
You tell me I am oppressed because I cover my hair.
You tell me I am oppressed because I choose not to hug nor kiss you.
Now you are outside covering your face and your hands.
And you neither touch nor kiss someone,
because you are scared of the dangerous corona virus.
Science is now telling you how to dress and act with others.
Allah has always told me how to dress and act with others.
You are afraid of the virus.
I am afraid of Allah.
You want to be saved from the epidemic.
I want to be saved from the hell fire.
Now who of us is oppressed?
Leaving you behind will be one of the hardest things I’ll have to do. You are growing up and I wish I could go back and experience it all again. Even the long, sleepless nights. The laughter and heartbreak. It’s going too fast and soon it’s gone. I can’t even remember the little things. Your first smile or the first time you laughed. This time last year I had you so close, our hearts beating next to each other. Can we go back together, just you and I? Let’s live it again, even the hard times. I wouldn’t want it any other way because it was you. It was always you.
Momma loves you.
Week by week this is what I did last year.
- Finding out the gender of our 2nd child.
- Punctured a tire on the car.
- Went to the movies w/ my mum & saw ‘Second Act’.
- Visited my friend at her new apartment & brought her salt & bread.
- First night our son slept in his own room.
- 50% on sick leave from work.
- Spent the afternoon w/ my mum.
- Drove to Sweden with the family to buy food.
- Met my friend after not seeing each other for one year.
- My son and I spent a whole afternoon w/ my dad in Oslo.
- Flew to Paris w/ my mum (& my daughter).
- Renovated our new kitchen table from the thrift store.
- Celebrated my mum’s birthday w/ my brother.
- Met my best friends.
- Visited my old school w/ my friend and my son.
- Easter holiday – worked all week.
- Drove to IKEA & went to a fabric store in Oslo alone.
- Food shopping in Sweden w/ the family.
- Start of Ramadan. Watched ‘The Hustle’ at the cinema w/ my mum.
- Started maternity leave.
- 38 week control.
- First Kindergarten visit & visit from my mum. Our daughter was born.
- Eid celebration w/ my husband’s family.
- Visit from my friend & went shopping.
- Food- and kids market w/ my children, mum and brother.
- Met my best friends & celebrated my friend’s birthday together.
- Breakfast at my dad’s.
- 1st motorcycle ride w/ my dad. Met my friend & went to a cafe & the beach.
- Met my friend at her house w/ my kids & her nephew.
- Beach day w/ the family.
- First day in kindergarten for my son & met my niece for the 1st time.
- Shopping day w/ the family. Akvarium visit w/ my mum and the kids.
- Norway’s biggest amusement park w/ my husband’s family.
- Visited an open farm w/ my children.
- Celebrated my 24th birthday w/ my mum, dad, brother, husband and kids. Also bought a new car.
- 1st day back at work.
- Goodbye dinner for a dear colleague.
- 1st time our daughter tried baby food (mashed potatoes).
- Last MC ride of the year.
- Sweden w/ the family – food shopping.
- Gokart w/ my brother & husband.
- Our daughter rolls over for the first time.
- Sunday breakfast at my dad’s.
- Visited a huge soft play area w/ my husbands family and kids.
- Sweden w/ my mum and daughter.
- My son had to go to the doctor’s.
- Met my friend.
- Picked up my mum from the airport. Witnessed a motorcycle crash.
- Brunch at my dad’s.
- Sweden w/ my mum and daughter.
- Cinema w/ my mum – we watched Jumanji: The next level.
- First roadtrip w/ the family to Gothenburg.
Make your purpose to strive for success
Paradise where you’ll rest
And make the Angels know your name
Prayer is the only thing separating a believer from a disbeliever
Fight the urge to fall in love with this worldly life
Because it will end for each and everyone of us
No one can escape it, so you tell me; what are we striving for?
Success and recognition from strangers?
Or the supreme goal with our Creator?
Faith can be the anchor to our core belief
But often invisible to the outside world
But I carry my faith on my head every single day
And I’m never going to do it for anybody else –
– than for the purpose of saving myself from this worldly life.
A 100 days ago I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. 4920 grams and 50 cm of pure love wrapped into one tiny human being. 3 months later I can see her smiling back at me when I look at her and all of my worries fade away. The world stops for minute and it’s just us. Then the noise from the outside world start tumbling in again but that smile remains. And after 9 long months she is finally kicking her feet of joy and excitement. There is nothing more beautiful and precious than to see your children grow up right beside you. And losing either one of them would be my greatest fear.
Tomorrow will be my first day back at work since going out on maternity leave 3 weeks before my baby girl came. My head is totally ready for it but my heart is still yearning to be with my child. I’m overwhelmed with emotions and don’t really know what to focus on. But I know it will be good for me, and I’m ready to take the leap.
The first Saturday in September, 3 months after giving birth, I’m back at it, and I’m ready.
Both my babies are in bed now, even though it happened to get a bit earlier for my son. But since he missed his afternoon nap today he was eagerly asleep once we put him down. It’s been 11 days since our little girl arrived and the days are slowly flying by. My due date was just four days ago but I’m so glad she came early. I don’t know what I would have done if I’d go another minute of being pregnant. I’m enjoying every moment of being a mom of two, trying to find our new routine and having lots of family time. I know a labor & delivery story is still missing from this page and my YouTube, but they are in the works. In the mean time let me reminisces of the things I don’t really miss from my pregnancy.
5 Things I don’t miss from being pregnancy
- Itching all over my growing belly
- Not having any clothes that fit properly
- Seeing new stretch marks
- Not being able to go an hour without using the bathroom
- Having extreme back pain at the end of the day
With that being said, I’m never going to be ungrateful for the miracle I have in my life. After nine long and painful months, she is finally here and I’m so lucky and thankful.
13th of March 2019 – Shopping & flying home
Our last day had come upon us. After a small breakfast we finished packing and checked out at 11.30 am. We had the whole afternoon because our flight was scheduled to 8.30 pm. We found our way out of our hotel to the nearest street and started walking. There were shops after shops and I tried to visit as many as I could. I ended up buying a black scarf and a oversized denim jacket at a Parisian shop. We also stopped to get some macrons which taste delicious.
We stopped by Zara, H&M, Mango and other high street stores before we settled for lunch at 1 pm after it started to rain. We had our last proper meal in France with success. Time flew by and before we knew it, it was time to make our way back to our hotel to gather our suitcases and head to the airport.
This getaway felt surprisingly longer than only 3 days. I guess I also had someone to look forward to seeing at home which made the departure much easier.
Watch my recap of my Paris holiday here!
I’ve just scrolled threw all of the videos I’ve taken this past year with my son. Trying to soak up every sent and smell from him as long as possible. Kissing him as soon as the opportunity arrives because I know that I have to go back to work, leaving him for X amount of hours every day. I don’t even want to think about it but I know that is the reality. I wish I could rewind and do it all over again. The light night feeds, the first smile and laugh, and even all the diaper changes. I wouldn’t mind it at all if it meant I could spend it with my first born child again.
Everyone says the time will go fast but it truly ran away from me when he turned 6 months. Until then I had some sort of grip on the time I had with him, but when he started being more mobil and communicating more, even the fact that he started eating solids made a huge difference. I didn’t have that closeness to him as I did before and now he’s walking everywhere, being so active and milk from me is no longer interesting.
I don’t know what the future holds or how our days will develop, and to be honest I’m sacred of the unknown. But to be truthful I was scared before I got my son too and it turned out pretty awesome.