Since my last post was all about the things I didn’t achieve in 2020, I wanted to make a new list for 2021. The year started off with a new lock-down periode, at least here in Norway. And I totally still feel like I’m stuck in the middle of December of 2020. I thought it would be beneficial for me to write down some goals for this year. It’s great to have something specific to work towards. We might not be over the pandemic just yet but I can already feel that this year will be better than the last. It has to be! So let’s begin, shall we.
My goals for this year:
Learn a new Surah
Read more books
Get a full time job
Have a YouTube schedule
Post on IG again
Learn the box step when jumping rope
Finish a 5k run in 30 minutes
For now this is my list. I struggle to find books I can relate to so if you have any suggestions, please comment down below. I have also started to post on my public Instagram so if you want to check it out I will link my IG here.
Last year on the 1/1/2020 I wrote a blog post about what my 2020 goals were. This was 3 month before the pandemic, before the world shut down. Non of us could predict what year this would become but I’m sure everyone is happy that we’re saying goodbye tonight.
Last year I had this on my new year’s resolution list:
WRITE IN MY GRATEFUL JOURNAL EACH DAY
FAST IN RAMADAN
WORKOUT & FINISH 5K RUN
FOLLOW THE 12 HOUR FAST
TRAVEL – AMSTERDAM, ISLAND…?
KØBENHAVN BOAT TRIP
MAJOR 25TH BIRTHDAY PRESENT
CONTINUE MAKING YOUTUBE VIDEOS
POST ON IG AGAIN…? (BIG QUESTIONMARK)
BUY LESS IN 2020
SEW A DOLL FOR MY DAUGHTER
SEARCH FOR A FULL TIME JOB
GET MY MOTORCYCLE LICENSE IN 2020
I can honestly say that I did not accomplish all of these goals. Some I were unable to do because of the strict travel ban & I didn’t feel safe travelling otherwise. Others I was too hesitant to try and scared of the criticism I would receive. My list for 2021 is not long, in fact – I didn’t write one for this year. I always seem to fall short of them anyway and I don’t want to disappoint myself. I do believe I would benefit from more routines and structure in my life next year. Like having specific days to workout, filming youtube videos, bed time routine and so forth.
These are the things I didn’t accomplish in 2020:
I did not write in my Grateful Journal every day (but I came very close).
I did not finish a 5k run.
I did not travel this year.
I did not take a boat trip to København.
I did not post on IG again.
I did not buy less in 2020, unfortunately.
I did not sew a doll for my daughter (but I bought her one).
I am however very proud to have fasted in Ramadan, having a great 25th birthday where we went to an amusement park and rented a tiny house on Airbnb. I searched for more jobs at the end of the year and also went on interviews. Most of all I’m proud to finally have my motorcycle license. A dream of mine for as long as I can remember.
Let’s look forward to a brighter future & hope for a great 2021.
As long as I can remember I’ve wanted to meet you
I don’t ever want you to think you’re not meant to be
Because this was planned by the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Wondering who you’ll become
Thinking about our time together
Hoping I can live up to your expectations
Wishing we’ll never fight –
Knowing fully that there will be days
were I’m not going to be your favourite
I pray you’ll never feel restrained by our religion
And grow up to love Islam & Allah
Knowing what our goal is
Because I want to meet you again in Paradise
I hope I can be the one you look up to –
The one you can turn to
I’m going to try my best
but so scared I’ll disappoint you,
that I’ll disappoint myself
Scared of the world you’ll grow up in
Knowing I won’t be able to protect you
Yesterday was such a wired and difficult day for some reason. You know when you have those days when nothing will go your way. It’s like the univers is against you. My time planning isn’t on it’s strongest side either, and when I think I can manage to get ready in 15 minutes I must be dreaming.
I can’t remember the last time I slept in and since my son wakes me up at 7 am now, I defiantly have to step up my game and put my money where my month is. I can’t just keep saying things and not see them through. I’ve also been so lazy this week with my training. But luckily the day turned around yesterday when I finally got out. After a little tantrum on my side – not my proudest moment – and a lot of f-words, which I never say, the day somehow turned around.
I met up with my mum and we had a lovely afternoon out. We began our shopping trip at a café because we were all starving and then continued on with some shopping. I desperately needed new kicks, and I’ve been drooling over either Nike or Adidas for the longest time. Brands are never really my thing but with good (looking) walking shoes you can never go wrong with a original brand like Nike or Adidas. After trying on some sneakers, all in a baby pink colour, I slipped into the dusty pink Nike Air and it was like walking on a sky. I have never felt such comfort on my feet and I knew I had to get them.
After 100£ lighter we went on to the toy store before I practically ran to the hairdressers to buy a new shampoo before the stores closed. I try to change my brand every time I use up my shampoo & conditioner but I always choose volum shampoo because that’s what my scalp needs at the moment.
The next two hours we went to eat dinner before I drove my mum home. I hope the coming week will be so much better. And I’ll start right here and now & try to see some promises through that I make myself.
Five years ago I was 17, turning 18 in the fall. On my way to becoming a hairdresser but dreaming of becoming a stylist. Finally having a job working part time at a salon. Trying to figure out life and finding the pieces I was missing. Searching for answers. Falling in love and getting my heart broken just to fall in love all over again. Writing a five year plan and hoping it will all come true. Planning my future, daydreaming about traveling the world for a year or two.
But my future was planned out differently than what I imagined. My dearest dream came true, and I had a family before I turned 22. I have loved and lost just to get the greatest gift of all. Seeing the other side of the world knowing what my heart really wanted. Figuring out I will never belong in this world other than for a short period of time. Now five years have gone and it’s time to move on.
As we grow older we often forget the dreams we had as little children. Dreams that never were too big for your imagination. But as you grow up you see the world for what it truly is. And you finally understand why Peter Pan never wanted to grow up. You start living a life you never saw yourself having. And those dreams once dreamed become a faded memory. But don’t forget them because they are here to make us feel invisible.
My greatest dream may be to love the love of my life till the day I die. And letting the world remember us by attaching a lock to a love bridge with our initials on it. Maybe we’ll even live in London. Have a picnic with our children in Hyde Park. Or watch the sunrise at the beach together.
And even though I’m not the most spontaneous person, I would love to buy a random ticket for a flight or throw a dart at a map and travel to that destination. Maybe even learn the language of that country fluently. And when I don’t spend all my money on traveling I would go on a shopping spree without a budge, or better yet have my own clothing line.
Right now it may seem impossible but hold on to the dreams you once dreamed.
I used to dream about designing, styling or working at a magazine. I wanted people to feel great about themselves. I wanted to do that through clothes and fashion. Only once when I grew up did I say that I wanted to become a hairdressers. I remember it so well, but that dream faded as fast it came. I’m hurting my body while I’m doing something I never dreamed about becoming. Both mentally and physically. I have neck and shoulder pains, my hands dry up and hurt when they’re too long in water. I’ve spend thousands on chiropractor appointments only to suffer through a job I don’t even enjoy.
You are at the end of your teens when they ask you what you want to become. The time when you change your mind as fast as you changed your clothes. How can you know? And the dreams I had were unreachable. They are still so far away but so close to my heart.
I had a young customer once asking me what I wanted to do if money wasn’t a problem. He asked me if I wanted to do something different, and I answered no. But I wanted to scream from the top of my lungs, YES, I DO! I do want to do something different with my life! I want to look forward going to work. I want to have my own clothing line, and design clothes for women. I want to be my own boss and I want to be great at it!
Is it really an unreachable dream? Can dreams really come true?
Where did your dreams end?
When did they stop being real?
When did they become lost?
One day we wake up and remember the dreams we had years ago. The years ran away from us, the time we said we would see our dreams come true. Suddenly the dream about seeing the world got lost in the clutter we call life. In this tangled web someone reminded us about the dreams we used to have. Now it’s a memory we almost forgot we had.
I will never get sick of the days spent with you. Never regret that you can bring a smile on my face when I´m down. And loving when you call me ´your girl´ at the end of a sentence. I can never regret anything we’ve been through cause you bring me more happiness then I thought was possible. And when I dream of you, even after all these years, I still wish for all eternity with you.
I’ve waited so long for the days to turn longer, the leaves on the trees to turn green and the weather warm. Now I’ve got it all and trying so hard to enjoy the longer days, the green trees and the warm breeze. But I can’t help but to think that all that I’ve got now is going to fade and I’m lost standing left with short days, dying trees and cold winds.
Days turn into night and darkness into light. We fade away to the emptiness and stay till we’re next to nothing again.
The days turn shorter and the nights longer. We don’t change because we know something better is coming. The comfort is straining us, killing us one by one. We forget how to live and think we’ll die in peace. As if we’ve done everything our life has set up to offer us. At the times of need we looked away and didn’t take a chance.
Now we’re next to nothing and our lives have gone by without us blinking twice. We regret and wish we could turn it all back. To start over and take the chances we got when they knocked at our door. We lie our heads to rest every night wishing we could go back but in the end we go to sleep and remember that this was all just a dream.