Maybe you’re drifting apart for a reason. Those missed calls or dinners where no one ever showed up or bothered to let you know they’re not coming. Maybe it’s for a reason. It’s part of a bigger picture – one that you might not understand right now. Your paths are not the same. You grow up and sometimes you grow apart from the people you once used to be. Even though it saddens your heart to know the truth, you know that the people you’re leaving behind are not good for your future.
Days, weeks and even months go by without a call or text. And you start to wonder if you ever meant anything to these people or were you just a moment in time for them. You find yourself always being the one on the other end, reaching out for contact but they hardly ever seem to find the time for you. And you release it’s a dead end.
I can’t even feel the pain because I’ve buried it so far down
Every inch of my being is torn and I want to scream out crying.
Feeling like a disappointment to everyone around me.
Silently crying because I don’t want anyone to hear me.
With the door unlocked because I want someone to find me.
Being happy and miserable at the same time.
The last 48 hours have been long and exhausting. The quilt drives me crazy and before I lay my head down I think about the things I didn’t managed to do. I beat myself up, and I’m bruised from the inside out. I rage at the smallest things but put on a smile whenever I’m outside. I don’t recognizes myself anymore. I’m strangled by this life and wish for the time it will end. This is not the life I want to be living, waiting for death to arrive just to feel the release of the stinging pain.
I know this only took a minute to read but it helps. Every unsaid word can be written down forever, and that helps. Take a big breath, and don’t stop breathing.
I won’t allow myself to cry. My tears will stay dry before they fall into my hand where you used to hold on to. But now you’ve let go and my tears are drowning in my eyes. My vision is gone and my heart is blinded. The emptiness carries on and grows in my soul. No one ever hears me even when I scream. The ache is still here after all these years. Even when you’re so close to me it never leaves. I feel your hand slowly slipping away. I fade away to my own distraction and I’m lost without you.
Though my head says no, my heart says go, so I’m going to try this one more time. I’ll call this our last chance, so don’t come crawling back if you leave again. And even if you do I won’t be broken, cause you can’t break a broken heart.
How can you start the fire and then just let it die? I see no hope but hope anyway cause that’s the only thing I can hold on to. I learn to live without expectations while you’re burning away my fire.
I bury my feelings deeper than yours. But if you show me yours, I’ll show mine again. And one kiss changed everything.
My smile fades when you’re not around and my guard is up every time I’m with you. I’m scared you’ll hurt me. Scared I’ll fall for you ones again. You’ll run and I’ll stand alone. Another heart broken because of you.
And I fell and you ran. I’m all alone again, broken and bruised. You shouldn’t have come back. My smile has turned into tears. The pain is taking over and love is getting lost.