If you didn’t know already, I never celebrated Christmas. I grew up in a Christian cult and the only thing we were allowed to celebrated was our birthdays. From Easter to Christmas and all in between were forbidden. I always made up lies to tell my friends at school when I was younger. I remember everyone came back from Christmas break raving about their new toys and all the presents they got. And I always felt so out of place, like I didn’t belong. How could I when I didn’t get anything. So I decorated the truth. I scraped together all the small bits and pieces I received during the December month and often said that that was what I got for Christmas. I even told lies about what we did and ate on Christmas eve. I was ashamed of what people might think if I told them the truth. The truth being that I’ve never celebrated it.
Looking back at it know, I see it as a blessing in disguise. I don’t have to say goodbye from a celebration that I never took part of. I don’t have to lie to my family that I cannot make their festivities. Because honestly there are non, even now over a decade after leaving the cult. I don’t have to remove my hijab to fit into their standards. I don’t have to navigate through the dinner to avoid eating pork. Today I saw the huge blessing I was given and somewhat advantage.
My heart goes out to all of you reverts who have found Islam and the beauty in it, but are still trying to navigate your new life with your old. I pray that Allah swt makes it easy for you and softens the hearts of your families so that you don’t have to do something against your religion and faith, to keep familie ties aligned. May Allah swt reward you for your efforts and insha’Allah it will get easier, ameen.
Since my last post was all about the things I didn’t achieve in 2020, I wanted to make a new list for 2021. The year started off with a new lock-down periode, at least here in Norway. And I totally still feel like I’m stuck in the middle of December of 2020. I thought it would be beneficial for me to write down some goals for this year. It’s great to have something specific to work towards. We might not be over the pandemic just yet but I can already feel that this year will be better than the last. It has to be! So let’s begin, shall we.
My goals for this year:
Learn a new Surah
Read more books
Get a full time job
Have a YouTube schedule
Post on IG again
Learn the box step when jumping rope
Finish a 5k run in 30 minutes
For now this is my list. I struggle to find books I can relate to so if you have any suggestions, please comment down below. I have also started to post on my public Instagram so if you want to check it out I will link my IG here.
Last year on the 1/1/2020 I wrote a blog post about what my 2020 goals were. This was 3 month before the pandemic, before the world shut down. Non of us could predict what year this would become but I’m sure everyone is happy that we’re saying goodbye tonight.
Last year I had this on my new year’s resolution list:
WRITE IN MY GRATEFUL JOURNAL EACH DAY
FAST IN RAMADAN
WORKOUT & FINISH 5K RUN
FOLLOW THE 12 HOUR FAST
TRAVEL – AMSTERDAM, ISLAND…?
KØBENHAVN BOAT TRIP
MAJOR 25TH BIRTHDAY PRESENT
CONTINUE MAKING YOUTUBE VIDEOS
POST ON IG AGAIN…? (BIG QUESTIONMARK)
BUY LESS IN 2020
SEW A DOLL FOR MY DAUGHTER
SEARCH FOR A FULL TIME JOB
GET MY MOTORCYCLE LICENSE IN 2020
I can honestly say that I did not accomplish all of these goals. Some I were unable to do because of the strict travel ban & I didn’t feel safe travelling otherwise. Others I was too hesitant to try and scared of the criticism I would receive. My list for 2021 is not long, in fact – I didn’t write one for this year. I always seem to fall short of them anyway and I don’t want to disappoint myself. I do believe I would benefit from more routines and structure in my life next year. Like having specific days to workout, filming youtube videos, bed time routine and so forth.
These are the things I didn’t accomplish in 2020:
I did not write in my Grateful Journal every day (but I came very close).
I did not finish a 5k run.
I did not travel this year.
I did not take a boat trip to København.
I did not post on IG again.
I did not buy less in 2020, unfortunately.
I did not sew a doll for my daughter (but I bought her one).
I am however very proud to have fasted in Ramadan, having a great 25th birthday where we went to an amusement park and rented a tiny house on Airbnb. I searched for more jobs at the end of the year and also went on interviews. Most of all I’m proud to finally have my motorcycle license. A dream of mine for as long as I can remember.
Let’s look forward to a brighter future & hope for a great 2021.
Today has physically and mentally been a long day. Even though it didn’t turn out the way I imagined, I’m so grateful for another year. You see, today is my birthday. 25 years ago my life started and I’m so grateful to have turned 25. Even though the number always scares me a little bit every year. But the thing is – I don’t feel 25. I guess it’s because I had this imagine of how 25 would feel and look like from a young age. And now that it has arrived, I don’t feel a day over 20, maybe 21. It’s like time stopped 5 years ago, even though it didn’t.
My plans today were having a huge breakfast, taking my son to daycare and then continuing the day with my daughter. I planned to meet my mum and we would have coffee and cake. I would take her home to my house and cut her hair, pick up my son and start dinner. I wanted my brother to come visit us and we would all have cake together, and maybe I would open some presents. All of this never happened because it couldn’t. And even though we plan, God plans as well and He is the Best of Planners.
Today didn’t happen has I imagined but I’m still so grateful for the family I’ve got, for my two healthy children who even at hard times bring a smile to my face, and for another year. God willing, I will have many more to come with my family by my side.
I miss the nights in Ramadan. When the night falls deep into a sleep and you are alone with your Lord. I miss the feeling of completely serving my Lord with the intentions to only please Him.
It saddens my heart that for each year it seems like we lose more and more people to this dunya. Don’t feel tempted to follow the footsteps of Shaytan. He only sits on the Straight Path to send you astray. And his whispers are only filled with lies and deception.
Hold on to that last string of faith and recharge your imaan. Trust me, I know it can be hard. How tempting isn’t this world, with all it’s beautifications. But one thing is for sure; it will end and everything you have left are your deeds. So make them many and make them good. God willing, the good will overweight the bad on the day of Judgement and our faces will be shinning bright.
Leaving you behind will be one of the hardest things I’ll have to do. You are growing up and I wish I could go back and experience it all again. Even the long, sleepless nights. The laughter and heartbreak. It’s going too fast and soon it’s gone. I can’t even remember the little things. Your first smile or the first time you laughed. This time last year I had you so close, our hearts beating next to each other. Can we go back together, just you and I? Let’s live it again, even the hard times. I wouldn’t want it any other way because it was you. It was always you.
Momma loves you.
I just got a text from you.
It’s been months since we’ve talked.
I’ve gotten used to living without your present.
I don’t even feel the urge to look what you have to say.
But somehow I couldn’t stop my fingers from sliding the page open-
scrolling down to the last message.
I expected my heart to stop for a split second
but my feelings where numb towards you.
You know we didn’t end it on the best note that summer.
I still remember the heart break, like it was last week.
That’s how I know it was real.
I never seemed to work up the courage to wipe out the messy page
we left on that summer day.
Make your purpose to strive for success
Paradise where you’ll rest
And make the Angels know your name
Prayer is the only thing separating a believer from a disbeliever
Fight the urge to fall in love with this worldly life
Because it will end for each and everyone of us
No one can escape it, so you tell me; what are we striving for?
Success and recognition from strangers?
Or the supreme goal with our Creator?
Faith can be the anchor to our core belief
But often invisible to the outside world
But I carry my faith on my head every single day
And I’m never going to do it for anybody else –
– than for the purpose of saving myself from this worldly life.
I find it extremely challenging to find modest clothing in ‘regular stores’. Either things are too short, see-through or are just not covering enough. But with a bit of smart thinking and layering, you can get there. And when retailers make it so easy that the fit is already loose and modest, well then you’re half way there already.
Use code: summer19 to get 25% off at Lindex, online and in store. Valid from 21-23.June 2018.