Leaving you behind will be one of the hardest things I’ll have to do. You are growing up and I wish I could go back and experience it all again. Even the long, sleepless nights. The laughter and heartbreak. It’s going too fast and soon it’s gone. I can’t even remember the little things. Your first smile or the first time you laughed. This time last year I had you so close, our hearts beating next to each other. Can we go back together, just you and I? Let’s live it again, even the hard times. I wouldn’t want it any other way because it was you. It was always you.
Momma loves you.
I just got a text from you.
It’s been months since we’ve talked.
I’ve gotten used to living without your present.
I don’t even feel the urge to look what you have to say.
But somehow I couldn’t stop my fingers from sliding the page open-
scrolling down to the last message.
I expected my heart to stop for a split second
but my feelings where numb towards you.
You know we didn’t end it on the best note that summer.
I still remember the heart break, like it was last week.
That’s how I know it was real.
I never seemed to work up the courage to wipe out the messy page
we left on that summer day.
Make your purpose to strive for success
Paradise where you’ll rest
And make the Angels know your name
Prayer is the only thing separating a believer from a disbeliever
Fight the urge to fall in love with this worldly life
Because it will end for each and everyone of us
No one can escape it, so you tell me; what are we striving for?
Success and recognition from strangers?
Or the supreme goal with our Creator?
Faith can be the anchor to our core belief
But often invisible to the outside world
But I carry my faith on my head every single day
And I’m never going to do it for anybody else –
– than for the purpose of saving myself from this worldly life.
Maybe you’re drifting apart for a reason. Those missed calls or dinners where no one ever showed up or bothered to let you know they’re not coming. Maybe it’s for a reason. It’s part of a bigger picture – one that you might not understand right now. Your paths are not the same. You grow up and sometimes you grow apart from the people you once used to be. Even though it saddens your heart to know the truth, you know that the people you’re leaving behind are not good for your future.
Days, weeks and even months go by without a call or text. And you start to wonder if you ever meant anything to these people or were you just a moment in time for them. You find yourself always being the one on the other end, reaching out for contact but they hardly ever seem to find the time for you. And you release it’s a dead end.
A 100 days ago I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. 4920 grams and 50 cm of pure love wrapped into one tiny human being. 3 months later I can see her smiling back at me when I look at her and all of my worries fade away. The world stops for minute and it’s just us. Then the noise from the outside world start tumbling in again but that smile remains. And after 9 long months she is finally kicking her feet of joy and excitement. There is nothing more beautiful and precious than to see your children grow up right beside you. And losing either one of them would be my greatest fear.
Tomorrow will be my first day back at work since going out on maternity leave 3 weeks before my baby girl came. My head is totally ready for it but my heart is still yearning to be with my child. I’m overwhelmed with emotions and don’t really know what to focus on. But I know it will be good for me, and I’m ready to take the leap.
The first Saturday in September, 3 months after giving birth, I’m back at it, and I’m ready.
I find it extremely challenging to find modest clothing in ‘regular stores’. Either things are too short, see-through or are just not covering enough. But with a bit of smart thinking and layering, you can get there. And when retailers make it so easy that the fit is already loose and modest, well then you’re half way there already.
Use code: summer19 to get 25% off at Lindex, online and in store. Valid from 21-23.June 2018.
1) Striped jumpsuit 2) Black dress 3) Orange dress 4) Denim skirt 5) Yellow pants 6) Green dress
A week ago I was strolling the streets of Paris. I was finally travelling again, even though it was only for 3 days. A little getaway is always nice – no matter the length. This was also the last month for me to travel since I am in my last trimester, as we speak. So here I am, a week later with lots to share with you.
11th of March 2019 – Notre-Dame & Crepes
My day started a little bit after 5 am, way too early for my inner clock, but since I knew I was being picked up in an hour I made my way out of the bed. I packed my last belongings and ate a bowl of fruit. Right before 7 am I was in Oslo meeting up with my mum. We were finally on our way. At the airport everything went smoothly and we awaited to arrive Paris at 11.05 am. Starving we went to a cafe at the airport in France. After a short break we found our taxi driver and arrived to our hotel at 1 pm. A cute, modern hotel called ‘Hotel Pratic‘.
We freshened up and after an 1 hour nap we wanted to explore the streets of Paris. We weren’t far from Notre-Dame so we decided to take a city map and get on our way. The sun was shinning and the wind blowing. We saw the beautiful church from outside and decided to save our 10€ for a late lunch.
We stopped at a restaurant just next to the well-known church and enjoyed our first proper french meal. Even though I had a greek salad and my mum had a hamburger. Later we made our way back to the hotel. But before the day was over we stopped at a local boutique where I was gifted a Paris mug from my mum. We also stopped by the supermarket before we got our dessert at ‘La Cedrerie du Marais‘. A lovely lady catered us with nutella crepes and a steaming hot coffee. What a great way to end our first day.
You’re suppose to feel this overwhelming sense of joy when you’re pregnant. And anything else would just be unusual.
Well, it’s not. Your body goes through A LOT of changes in only 9 months. And even though you might be the only one knowing it for the first months, you’ll rapidly start to grow and show. And you can’t make your body stop getting bigger. You can exercise and eat as healthy as one only can with daily cravings, but in the end, you’ll get big.
You’ll hear comments like; “You’ve gotten so big. Are you sure there aren’t two in there”. It’s frustrating cause it’s like no one knows what you’re actually going through. And who knows if you’ll ever get back to the size you were before. The invisible pressure is definitely there.
Even as this is my second child I’m much bigger than what I was with my first. I keep telling myself that I’ll get back to my ‘normal’ self and this in it self is a miracle. But as much as it is a miracle, and I am truly grateful to be a mother again, I can’t help to feel like I’m not myself.
I don’t feel sexy in my body, I don’t feel as confident. Most of the time I feel bloated and like I have to pee every hour. I’ll never have my abs back to normal and my bellybutton will most likely not go back to it’s normal self. And I feel guilty for feeling this way. Because my body is getting bigger and I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror, even though I’m creating a human being inside of me.
A sick little child is fast asleep and I’m hoping and praying that my little boy will get well soon. Tiny bodies like his shouldn’t have to go through being sick three times in less than two months. Especially when his illness lasts a week or more.
All three of us have caught some sort of cold, one worse than the last. I even took a late night drive to the grocery store to buy lemons and ginger. If only I could be sick for him, but I know it doesn’t work like that.
But I’ll always be a mother first no matter job I have or how old I get. Very reassuring in a way but with a great deal of responsibility. There’s nothing more comforting than to know that I can hold my baby boy and he’ll feel safe right in my arms.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Sometimes it can be hard to see how far you’ve come when everyone around you is pointing out your mistakes.
Remember the time you didn’t wear the hijab. The time when you still ate pork or drank a glass of alcohol. The time before Islam. Before you change you’re life.
I used to read a lot of forums on fb and at first it was fine but soon it began to drag me down. Every notification made me question my faith and there were times I wanted to cry because I felt like I was a bad muslim. That my afford wasn’t enough.
But do your best and that will be enough. Be proud of yourself! Be proud of how far you’ve come and pray that Allah will help you become the best muslim you can be. We are all on our own journey and for some it’s easy and for others it takes longer.
Find a balance and don’t lose yourself. Your faith should make you stronger and lift you up.