Leaving you behind will be one of the hardest things I’ll have to do. You are growing up and I wish I could go back and experience it all again. Even the long, sleepless nights. The laughter and heartbreak. It’s going too fast and soon it’s gone. I can’t even remember the little things. Your first smile or the first time you laughed. This time last year I had you so close, our hearts beating next to each other. Can we go back together, just you and I? Let’s live it again, even the hard times. I wouldn’t want it any other way because it was you. It was always you.
Momma loves you.
Maybe you’re drifting apart for a reason. Those missed calls or dinners where no one ever showed up or bothered to let you know they’re not coming. Maybe it’s for a reason. It’s part of a bigger picture – one that you might not understand right now. Your paths are not the same. You grow up and sometimes you grow apart from the people you once used to be. Even though it saddens your heart to know the truth, you know that the people you’re leaving behind are not good for your future.
Days, weeks and even months go by without a call or text. And you start to wonder if you ever meant anything to these people or were you just a moment in time for them. You find yourself always being the one on the other end, reaching out for contact but they hardly ever seem to find the time for you. And you release it’s a dead end.
After deleting my social media I suddenly remember how my time was spent before using it. How I used to have time to enjoy my meals without scrolling through Instagram. Or how I actually get time to read the blogs I used to love instead of just skimming through to see the pretty pictures. I found myself wasting my precious time – the time we have so little of and that goes by faster each year. At the end of the day it was neither beneficial or good for me. Whether I was posting a new picture, searching for likes and comments, waiting for my next follower. Or scrolling through to find my heart get jealous of what I couldn’t deliver through amazing photography skills or the number of likes I saw flashing in my face.
I need to start focusing on myself in the real world and not the visual concept we call social media.
No one dares to show the real side of life – only chasing likes through double taps.
A week ago I was strolling the streets of Paris. I was finally travelling again, even though it was only for 3 days. A little getaway is always nice – no matter the length. This was also the last month for me to travel since I am in my last trimester, as we speak. So here I am, a week later with lots to share with you.
11th of March 2019 – Notre-Dame & Crepes
My day started a little bit after 5 am, way too early for my inner clock, but since I knew I was being picked up in an hour I made my way out of the bed. I packed my last belongings and ate a bowl of fruit. Right before 7 am I was in Oslo meeting up with my mum. We were finally on our way. At the airport everything went smoothly and we awaited to arrive Paris at 11.05 am. Starving we went to a cafe at the airport in France. After a short break we found our taxi driver and arrived to our hotel at 1 pm. A cute, modern hotel called ‘Hotel Pratic‘.
We freshened up and after an 1 hour nap we wanted to explore the streets of Paris. We weren’t far from Notre-Dame so we decided to take a city map and get on our way. The sun was shinning and the wind blowing. We saw the beautiful church from outside and decided to save our 10€ for a late lunch.
We stopped at a restaurant just next to the well-known church and enjoyed our first proper french meal. Even though I had a greek salad and my mum had a hamburger. Later we made our way back to the hotel. But before the day was over we stopped at a local boutique where I was gifted a Paris mug from my mum. We also stopped by the supermarket before we got our dessert at ‘La Cedrerie du Marais‘. A lovely lady catered us with nutella crepes and a steaming hot coffee. What a great way to end our first day.
You’re suppose to feel this overwhelming sense of joy when you’re pregnant. And anything else would just be unusual.
Well, it’s not. Your body goes through A LOT of changes in only 9 months. And even though you might be the only one knowing it for the first months, you’ll rapidly start to grow and show. And you can’t make your body stop getting bigger. You can exercise and eat as healthy as one only can with daily cravings, but in the end, you’ll get big.
You’ll hear comments like; “You’ve gotten so big. Are you sure there aren’t two in there”. It’s frustrating cause it’s like no one knows what you’re actually going through. And who knows if you’ll ever get back to the size you were before. The invisible pressure is definitely there.
Even as this is my second child I’m much bigger than what I was with my first. I keep telling myself that I’ll get back to my ‘normal’ self and this in it self is a miracle. But as much as it is a miracle, and I am truly grateful to be a mother again, I can’t help to feel like I’m not myself.
I don’t feel sexy in my body, I don’t feel as confident. Most of the time I feel bloated and like I have to pee every hour. I’ll never have my abs back to normal and my bellybutton will most likely not go back to it’s normal self. And I feel guilty for feeling this way. Because my body is getting bigger and I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror, even though I’m creating a human being inside of me.
A sick little child is fast asleep and I’m hoping and praying that my little boy will get well soon. Tiny bodies like his shouldn’t have to go through being sick three times in less than two months. Especially when his illness lasts a week or more.
All three of us have caught some sort of cold, one worse than the last. I even took a late night drive to the grocery store to buy lemons and ginger. If only I could be sick for him, but I know it doesn’t work like that.
But I’ll always be a mother first no matter job I have or how old I get. Very reassuring in a way but with a great deal of responsibility. There’s nothing more comforting than to know that I can hold my baby boy and he’ll feel safe right in my arms.
I have countless things on my wishlist. Everything from a Mac mouse to a HD camera, but since it’s valentines day soon I wanted to dive into Asos and see what I could find that I would genuinely be exited and happy to buy. Even though my saved items are much more then these 8 ones here, these will have to do for now.
You can never go wrong with a simple tee and I’ve been loving ones with slogans or writings on them. I really need to find some new ones since the 3 I have I wear on repeat. Pair it with a modest long skirt or wide pants and you’re good to go.
I desperately need new sneakers as well and I’ve been drooling over some Adidas or Nike shoes for a while. You mostly end up paying for the name, but I do have to say they look unbelievable good.
A jumpsuit is a timeless piece and this one is high on my wish list and will probably stay there for a while because it’s way too expensive to buy. But I’m allowed to dream about it, right? And if I were to buy this suit I would maybe even pair it with a matching set of burgundy high heeled shoes – just saying.
You can never have too many night tee’s, and since mine is worn down and washed out I think I’m going to buy a new one soon and it might as well be this one. Paired with a cute heart ring to pull the romantic look all together, even though I’m just going to bed.
I hope this was inspirational. Maybe you even found something you would like to buy. I’m definitely starting to love Asos, and I don’t know why I haven’t thought about buying from them before. I just always thought they were too expensive or only had high end brands. But you can find anything on this site, from Monki or New Look to Asos White and River Island. I can’t wait to stop by again and actually get those things from my wish list to my shopping basket.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Sometimes it can be hard to see how far you’ve come when everyone around you is pointing out your mistakes.
Remember the time you didn’t wear the hijab. The time when you still ate pork or drank a glass of alcohol. The time before Islam. Before you change you’re life.
I used to read a lot of forums on fb and at first it was fine but soon it began to drag me down. Every notification made me question my faith and there were times I wanted to cry because I felt like I was a bad muslim. That my afford wasn’t enough.
But do your best and that will be enough. Be proud of yourself! Be proud of how far you’ve come and pray that Allah will help you become the best muslim you can be. We are all on our own journey and for some it’s easy and for others it takes longer.
Find a balance and don’t lose yourself. Your faith should make you stronger and lift you up.
What was suppose to be a stressless evening turned out to be far from that. My own fault really, cause I always get so invested in projects I do and have zero patience with myself. I always wish that I can learn everything at once and it just works right away, but it usually never does.
Today I spent my hours from 8 pm till now in front of the computer. Actually two computers. Photoshop on one and YouTube on the other. I was determined to finish a new profile picture, channel art and a watermark.
I’m only 100% happy with the new channel art, the other two I still have to tweak and fix. Other than that I have a headache and I’m in desperate need of sleep. But I guarantee you, I’ll be laying in bed another hour before I fall asleep. At least that’s what happened last night.