Leaving you behind will be one of the hardest things I’ll have to do. You are growing up and I wish I could go back and experience it all again. Even the long, sleepless nights. The laughter and heartbreak. It’s going too fast and soon it’s gone. I can’t even remember the little things. Your first smile or the first time you laughed. This time last year I had you so close, our hearts beating next to each other. Can we go back together, just you and I? Let’s live it again, even the hard times. I wouldn’t want it any other way because it was you. It was always you.
Momma loves you.
A 100 days ago I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. 4920 grams and 50 cm of pure love wrapped into one tiny human being. 3 months later I can see her smiling back at me when I look at her and all of my worries fade away. The world stops for minute and it’s just us. Then the noise from the outside world start tumbling in again but that smile remains. And after 9 long months she is finally kicking her feet of joy and excitement. There is nothing more beautiful and precious than to see your children grow up right beside you. And losing either one of them would be my greatest fear.
Tomorrow will be my first day back at work since going out on maternity leave 3 weeks before my baby girl came. My head is totally ready for it but my heart is still yearning to be with my child. I’m overwhelmed with emotions and don’t really know what to focus on. But I know it will be good for me, and I’m ready to take the leap.
The first Saturday in September, 3 months after giving birth, I’m back at it, and I’m ready.
These words are for you
As long as I can remember I’ve wanted to meet you
I don’t ever want you to think you’re not meant to be
Because this was planned by the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Wondering who you’ll become
Thinking about our time together
Hoping I can live up to your expectations
Wishing we’ll never fight –
Knowing fully that there will be days
were I’m not going to be your favourite
I pray you’ll never feel restrained by our religion
And grow up to love Islam & Allah
Knowing what our goal is
Because I want to meet you again in Paradise
I hope I can be the one you look up to –
The one you can turn to
I’m going to try my best
but so scared I’ll disappoint you,
that I’ll disappoint myself
Scared of the world you’ll grow up in
Knowing I won’t be able to protect you
I usually never do this because I have no knowledge about anything in the garden or about flowers in generally. But I did think our terrace look a little dull so I thought I’d fix it up and get some color in between the grey bricks.
On Saturday I went to our local plantation to see what they had in stores. I took my mom with me so that one of us knew what we were doing. She’s no gardner either but at least she has more knowledge than me.
I bought some flowers, soil, spices and tools. Now I’m not sure about the pots I bought, because they aren’t exactly what I pictured, but when the budget is thigh you can’t always get what you wish of. On Sunday morning I say myself outside and started working. Now I’m far from finished but I’ll definitely share everything when I’m finished.
One problem that I have is that I don’t know how to relax. Somehow I have it in my brain that I always have to do something. I can’t just take a breather. And if I do take a minute or two to relax.. and just be, before I know it I’ll be thinking about the next thing I feel I have to do. But that’s the thing, I don’t really have anything I have to do. I guess it’s just all in my head and that’s something I have to work on. Well, now that the little one is sleeping I have to try and sprint to the shower and freshen up a little. Who knows when the next feeding session will arrive or the next diaper change will occur. Little things like brushing your teeth suddenly get forgotten and you get used to seeing yourself in sweatpants with no make-up on. Wish me luck.
First day in February, the shortest month of the year, started off with a cold and rainy snowfall. I’ve already been on a stroll outside but today’s trip lasted less than half an hour. But since it is the first day of February I thought I’d share ten random facts about me – so here we go.
- First thought when you looked in the mirror today? That I still have some glue left on my upper eyelids from yesterdays false lashes, which will probably take a day or two to get rid of.
- Who is the 4th person on your ‘missed calls list’ on your phone? A call from our local health clinic.
- What does it say in your last text message? Ca. 19:15 – Ok? A message from my dad wonder when he could come over yesterday.
- What are you wearing right now? A pair of grey big sweatpants, a white nursing topp which I paired with a warm cardigan and then my blue turban, which has been my favorite style to wear lately.
- What word do you use over and over? Probably the word ‘bismillah’ – meaning: ‘In the name of Allah (God)’. A word I use before I eat, drink, go to the toilet or go out.
- Your favorite age so far in life? I’m pretty happy about the age I am at right now. Where I am in life and my situation. I’m truly blessed with the amount of love I have around me.
- What’s your screensaver right now? Kinda boring, but I like to have everything neat and tidy, which includes my screensaver.
- What’s the last thing you said to someone today? I do have regular conversations with my baby, but they are with no respons. So I guess it has to be when I said goodbye to my other half before he went of to work.
- If you could change your name, what would you choose? This is a tough one because I do love my name, even though I never seemed to like it as much when I was younger. People always seemed to spell it wrong or pronounce it the wrong way, but now I’m quite content with it.
- Which one of your instagram pictures has gotten the most likes? With my 150 followers there is not a lot of bragging to do here, but there was a time where I had an open profil and I did get a few more likes then I do now.
Now that I’ve almost used an hour for this blog post I must continue my day and that includes getting myself something to eat before the little one wakes up.
.. to know during 1st time pregnancy
- Water will become your new best friend. Especially since coffee probably will be off the table the first 3 months. Since week 30 I’ve been drinking up to 3 liters every day. That means more trips to the toilet, but defiantly worth it.
- Bigger underwear. Yes, it is bittersweet to actually go up 1 to 2 sizes, but it’s so worth it cause you’ll be more comfortable and so will your belly.
- Have a bra without an underwire. Your boobs will hurt and grow and the worst thing is to have and underwire pinch and make it even more uncomfortable.
- Invest in a bra strap extender. A great alternative to not buy a completely new bra during pregnancy, especially for the first and second trimester.
- A heat bag is perfect for relieving some of that back pain you’ll probably get when your tummy is getting bigger and all the weight is shifted.
- Good shoes is a must, especially in my line of work. I need good support for my feet, and it will probably get more hurtful to walk since their is more weight on your legs and feet.
- Your teeth and gum will get more sensitive. Already after a couple of weeks I noticed my gum starting to bleed when I was brushing my teeth, something that usually never happens. I used a soft toothbrush and was not brushing too hard, but your gum will become more fragile.
- Pillows for sleeping. They are your new best friends, and you don’t have to spend loads on pregnancy pillows. Just use whatever you have on your couch.
- Sanitary pads. I wasn’t fully aware that I would still need this during pregnancy after the fourth month. But yes, fluids do still come out of you and if you don’t want to change your underwear 2 to 3 times a day, this is a great option.
- Everyone will have an opinion about your belly. I’ve heard so many unnecessary comments, either you’re too small or too big, or you’ll get comments like; «You look big, have you eaten too much» or «Are you wearing all black to hide your belly». It will annoy you but just remember that you are making a life inside of you, which in it self is incredible.
Enjoy the journey cause it will be over before you know it.