Leaving you behind will be one of the hardest things I’ll have to do. You are growing up and I wish I could go back and experience it all again. Even the long, sleepless nights. The laughter and heartbreak. It’s going too fast and soon it’s gone. I can’t even remember the little things. Your first smile or the first time you laughed. This time last year I had you so close, our hearts beating next to each other. Can we go back together, just you and I? Let’s live it again, even the hard times. I wouldn’t want it any other way because it was you. It was always you.
Momma loves you.
A 100 days ago I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. 4920 grams and 50 cm of pure love wrapped into one tiny human being. 3 months later I can see her smiling back at me when I look at her and all of my worries fade away. The world stops for minute and it’s just us. Then the noise from the outside world start tumbling in again but that smile remains. And after 9 long months she is finally kicking her feet of joy and excitement. There is nothing more beautiful and precious than to see your children grow up right beside you. And losing either one of them would be my greatest fear.
Tomorrow will be my first day back at work since going out on maternity leave 3 weeks before my baby girl came. My head is totally ready for it but my heart is still yearning to be with my child. I’m overwhelmed with emotions and don’t really know what to focus on. But I know it will be good for me, and I’m ready to take the leap.
The first Saturday in September, 3 months after giving birth, I’m back at it, and I’m ready.
The last couple of weeks have turned into a blur. All merged into one. I don’t even remember when one stops and the next one starts. I fill my day with tasks & goals so that my time won’t be left meaningless. The one thing I wish I had more of – time. Whilst I know my time is ending, the time of my children are just beginning, God willing. But that makes days like these so much more valuable.
I started my day off like I always do – enjoying a homemade breakfast with my son. Around noon I jumped in the car with my daughter to drive and pick up my friend from work. We enjoyed our afternoon outside, finding a cute cafe were we could sit and chat for a while. The day only got better when we decided to buy two baskets of strawberries and then swing by at home to get my son. Norwegian summer doesn’t last very long so when the weather is good you’ll find most people at the beach, where we also ended up. Even though it took a while to get used to the cold water, it was still nice.
A day to remember. Now I’m hoping that my daughter will fall asleep soon so that I too can catch some Zzzz. Good night.
These words are for you
As long as I can remember I’ve wanted to meet you
I don’t ever want you to think you’re not meant to be
Because this was planned by the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Wondering who you’ll become
Thinking about our time together
Hoping I can live up to your expectations
Wishing we’ll never fight –
Knowing fully that there will be days
were I’m not going to be your favourite
I pray you’ll never feel restrained by our religion
And grow up to love Islam & Allah
Knowing what our goal is
Because I want to meet you again in Paradise
I hope I can be the one you look up to –
The one you can turn to
I’m going to try my best
but so scared I’ll disappoint you,
that I’ll disappoint myself
Scared of the world you’ll grow up in
Knowing I won’t be able to protect you
The last couple of days have been so crazy. It all started on Monday where I had a chill day with my son until he fell into an accident. I got so overwhelmed and guilty that I couldn’t protect him. Luckily his bruises are almost healed and he was back on his feet in no time.
Tuesday I got an email about a phone interview I had Friday morning, just when I thought there was no hope left.
On Wednesday I had to bring my car into the repair shop so that I could continue on driving it the next 2 years. That meant waking up at 6.30am, driving to the next town an hour later and then wait a whole day till the car was fixed. We did spend the morning having a hotel breakfast and continued on with shopping and a walk back home to my mums. Whilst my son was taking his afternoon nap which he had been procrastinating, I could finally breath out and relax.
I got another interview call on Thursday which meant I got to meet my mum again so that she could watch my son. It went fairly well and we enjoyed an afternoon outside before we drove back home where I then colored her hair.
I actually got another call yesterday morning while I was at the health station with my son for his last baby vaccine. Another store wanted me in for an interview and we settled for today at 1pm.
Starting off today fairly early at 7.30am, I had breakfast and got ready for my first interview. Around noon I had to drive, yet again to my mums to pick her up so that she could watch my son while I went to my second interview.
It has literally felt like I’ve been running around everywhere and meeting so many new people in such a short amount of time. On top of that I have another interview on Monday at a clothing store which I’m super excited about. But first I have to take this weekend to rewind and unplug. My feet are killing me and I’m in desperate need of a lot of sleep.
Wish me luck!
A sick little child is fast asleep and I’m hoping and praying that my little boy will get well soon. Tiny bodies like his shouldn’t have to go through being sick three times in less than two months. Especially when his illness lasts a week or more.
All three of us have caught some sort of cold, one worse than the last. I even took a late night drive to the grocery store to buy lemons and ginger. If only I could be sick for him, but I know it doesn’t work like that.
But I’ll always be a mother first no matter job I have or how old I get. Very reassuring in a way but with a great deal of responsibility. There’s nothing more comforting than to know that I can hold my baby boy and he’ll feel safe right in my arms.
My baby boy
My pride and joy
How could I ever imagine a life without you
If I could I would protect you from any harm that could affect you
Your smile lights up my day
Even bad days you get me through
My light, my sunshine
What would I do without you
I could never imagine a life without you now
And I pray that I can get a life long with you by my side
I desperately need more hours in the day. It’s frustrating to know that the day is coming to an end and I’ve hardly done anything productive. Most of my days start off very early but today I got to sleep til 8 am which I can’t remember when I’ve done last. Jumping out of bed, checking to my baby because I though he was already up. He wasn’t which made it possible to go to the toilet in peace and make breakfast. Between breakfast and my son’s first nap I managed to workout. He didn’t wake up before after my shower which was amazing, but after that the day just went into a blur.
We drove to his grandparents in the early afternoon and came home 2 hours later. That would give me more than enough time to do what I need to do. But between diaper changes, making dinner and giving my son a bath there’s not much time left for me.
I’ve been sitting at my sewing machine for the last hour but I just can’t get it to work properly. I’ve seen X amount of YouTube videos on ‘how to’. Everything from threading to sewing, but they all make it seem so simple and here I am still struggling. If I haven’t told you I got a SERGER for my birthday this year but it was bough on eBay so it wasn’t exactly brand new. I thought I could just sit down and start sewing but one problem after another started appearing. I’ve change both knives, needles and all 4 threads – and I still can’t figure it out. Why does everything have to be so bloody difficult with me?
That was my Sunday rant. I just had to get it out so that I wouldn’t go crazy. Sometimes I wish things would just be simple, but I guess that’s just too much to ask for.
Anyway, I hope for a better day tomorrow. Until then, goodnight.
I’ve just scrolled threw all of the videos I’ve taken this past year with my son. Trying to soak up every sent and smell from him as long as possible. Kissing him as soon as the opportunity arrives because I know that I have to go back to work, leaving him for X amount of hours every day. I don’t even want to think about it but I know that is the reality. I wish I could rewind and do it all over again. The light night feeds, the first smile and laugh, and even all the diaper changes. I wouldn’t mind it at all if it meant I could spend it with my first born child again.
Everyone says the time will go fast but it truly ran away from me when he turned 6 months. Until then I had some sort of grip on the time I had with him, but when he started being more mobil and communicating more, even the fact that he started eating solids made a huge difference. I didn’t have that closeness to him as I did before and now he’s walking everywhere, being so active and milk from me is no longer interesting.
I don’t know what the future holds or how our days will develop, and to be honest I’m sacred of the unknown. But to be truthful I was scared before I got my son too and it turned out pretty awesome.