A blessing in disguise

If you didn’t know already, I never celebrated Christmas. I grew up in a Christian cult and the only thing we were allowed to celebrated was our birthdays. From Easter to Christmas and all in between were forbidden. I always made up lies to tell my friends at school when I was younger. I remember everyone came back from Christmas break raving about their new toys and all the presents they got. And I always felt so out of place, like I didn’t belong. How could I when I didn’t get anything. So I decorated the truth. I scraped together all the small bits and pieces I received during the December month and often said that that was what I got for Christmas. I even told lies about what we did and ate on Christmas eve. I was ashamed of what people might think if I told them the truth. The truth being that I’ve never celebrated it.  

Looking back at it know, I see it as a blessing in disguise. I don’t have to say goodbye from a celebration that I never took part of. I don’t have to lie to my family that I cannot make their festivities. Because honestly there are non, even now over a decade after leaving the cult. I don’t have to remove my hijab to fit into their standards. I don’t have to navigate through the dinner to avoid eating pork. Today I saw the huge blessing I was given and somewhat advantage. 

My heart goes out to all of you reverts who have found Islam and the beauty in it, but are still trying to navigate your new life with your old. I pray that Allah swt makes it easy for you and softens the hearts of your families so that you don’t have to do something against your religion and faith, to keep familie ties aligned. May Allah swt reward you for your efforts and insha’Allah it will get easier, ameen.

Elizabeth

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This saddens my heart

I miss the nights in Ramadan. When the night falls deep into a sleep and you are alone with your Lord. I miss the feeling of completely serving my Lord with the intentions to only please Him.

It saddens my heart that for each year it seems like we lose more and more people to this dunya. Don’t feel tempted to follow the footsteps of Shaytan. He only sits on the Straight Path to send you astray. And his whispers are only filled with lies and deception. 

Hold on to that last string of faith and recharge your imaan. Trust me, I know it can be hard. How tempting isn’t this world, with all it’s beautifications. But one thing is for sure; it will end and everything you have left are your deeds. So make them many and make them good. God willing, the good will overweight the bad on the day of Judgement and our faces will be shinning bright. 

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Elizabeth

To My Daughter

These words are for you

As long as I can remember I’ve wanted to meet you
I don’t ever want you to think you’re not meant to be
Because this was planned by the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

Wondering who you’ll become
Thinking about our time together
Hoping I can live up to your expectations
Wishing we’ll never fight –
Knowing fully that there will be days
were I’m not going to be your favourite

I pray you’ll never feel restrained by our religion
And grow up to love Islam & Allah
Knowing what our goal is
Because I want to meet you again in Paradise

I hope I can be the one you look up to –
The one you can turn to
I’m going to try my best
but so scared I’ll disappoint you,
that I’ll disappoint myself
Scared of the world you’ll grow up in
Knowing I won’t be able to protect you

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Elizabeth

All good things must come to an end

The end is here and I’m left with an empty and sad feeling inside me. I couldn’t really put my finger on it before but now I know that it’s because our blessed month of Ramadan has ended. We’ve lost a dear friend and we can only pray that we’ll be here to greet our beloved month next year.

I was so scared before Ramadan started and was scared I wouldn’t be able to fast and work at the same time. Though it was challenging and tiring at times, I felt an empowerment and for every day it became easier even though the fasting hours became longer.

Let’s take our good deeds beyond this month and keep it in our mind that everyday can be like a day in Ramadan.

I pray that Allah will accept all of our good deeds this past Ramadan & may He forgive you & I for our sins. May Allah bless & guide you. Ameen.

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Elizabeth

Reminder to all reverts out there

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Sometimes it can be hard to see how far you’ve come when everyone around you is pointing out your mistakes.

Remember the time you didn’t wear the hijab. The time when you still ate pork or drank a glass of alcohol. The time before Islam. Before you change you’re life.

I used to read a lot of forums on fb and at first it was fine but soon it began to drag me down. Every notification made me question my faith and there were times I wanted to cry because I felt like I was a bad muslim. That my afford wasn’t enough.

But do your best and that will be enough. Be proud of yourself! Be proud of how far you’ve come and pray that Allah will help you become the best muslim you can be. We are all on our own journey and for some it’s easy and for others it takes longer.

Find a balance and don’t lose yourself. Your faith should make you stronger and lift you up.

Elizabeth

My goals for 2018

I know it’s a week until new years but I thought I would share my goals a week in advance. Since I am going traveling the first week of January and I still want to film 2-3 videos in advance, I thought I would do this now.

I always take a look back at the year I’ve had and summaries my feelings, accomplishments and travels. I will still do this at the end of the year but for now I’ve picked my brain on what I want to improve in 2018.

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MY GOALS FOR 2018

1. Read the Quran every day! I did this after Ramadan and even though I just read a page or two sometimes, I sat myself down after Maghrib prayer and read. Now I’ve fallen out of my routine and only read a verse or two on my Quran app.

"The most beloved deed to Allah is the most regular and constant even though it were little." Sahih Bukhari 8/471

2. Listen to the Quran every morning. A great way to the beginning of a new day and why not start the day of right. This is something you can do while preparing breakfast, getting dressed or doing your laundry.
3. Do dhikr. Remember Allah (God) in everything you do. Say thank you for the food you have, the clean water, the job you’ve been giving, your faith, family & friends. Nothing would be possible without Allah.

Alhamdullilah - All praise to Allah
 Subhan'Allah - Glorious is Allah
 Allahu Akbar - Allah is the Greatest

4. Learn Surah Al-Kahf. The 18th chapter of the Quran. A surah I’ve started to learn but then again forgotten because I don’t practice it. Insha’Allah I will learn at least the first 10 verses before Ramadan 2018.
5. Listen to Surah al-Kahf every Friday.

"If anyone learns by heart the first 10 verses of Surah al-Kahf, he will be protected from the Dajjal (Anti-Christ)." Sahih Muslim 4/1766

6. Fast Monday & Thursdays. Prophet Muhammad saw used to fast on these days because these are the days our deeds are shown to Allah.
7. Wake up for Fajr consistently on time, and also pray Tahajjud (night prayer) at least once every week.

Our Lord comes down to the nearest Heaven every night when the last third of the night remains.

8. Write a gratitude journal. A place where I can write down what I’m grateful for, what I want to improve and my accomplishments for the day.
9. Create a new video every week with bonus videos sometimes during the week. Focusing on lifestyle videos, fashion & style and beauty related videos.
10. Gain 500 subscribers on YouTube.
11. Buy a Nikon j5 to improve my video quality. Support me on Patreon if you’d like!
12. Keep a daily diary on my laptop without any filter. Somewhere I can write exactly what I’m feeling and experiencing.

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I hope you continue on following my journey and let’s check off this list one by one together. Do you have anything you want to add? Leave it in the comments.

Happy holidays!

Elizabeth

My faith is between me and my Lord

So I just got a comment on YouTube where someone told me that I don’t dress appropriately for being a muslim and that it is not the way that Prophet Muhammad (saw – peace be upon him) said women should dress. I immediately felt attacked and after thinking twice about it I ended up deleting the comment. But here I am 5 minutes later thinking about it. That’s the thing though – it may be gone from my platform it’s still in my life.

I understand the need to comment and let people know what is right and what is wrong, but on the other hand it’s not always your place. You might think it’s your responsibility, but you have no idea how hard it is for me to not only put on the hijab but to dress modestly all together. It wasn’t before a couple of months ago that I started slowly to cover my hair. And there was no other reason than for Allah (God).

You may be raised in a muslim community or family and it might be second nature to cover all together and only where the jilbab or abaya & hijab. But for me, someone who is raised in a non-muslim family in the west, who just recently converted, it’s not easy. I have struggled so much with it to the point where I didn’t want to come near it. And you telling me that my effort is not enough is not your place.

Please think twice before you think to comment on a subject that is essentially between me and my God. At the end of the day He knows my effort and what is in my heart, and that’s all that counts.

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Astaghfirullah for my past
Alhamdulillah for today
Insha’Allah for my future

Elizabeth

Sunday reminder

The difference between a believer and a disbeliever is his salah. 

Life’s too short not to be doing what you love

At the moment I’m sending out my resume, in deep search for a new job. When I started high school, at 16 years old, I never imagined becoming a hairdresser. I actually wanted to go design & textile and then major in sewing and designing clothes. I can’t say I regret my decision, because having a high demanded job which I can apply anywhere in the world is great. But I can’t see myself in this business for the rest of my life. I can’t see myself at my workplace because I don’t see a future there. Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t believe I can grow into a higher position there.

Life’s too short not to be doing what you love. And it’s time to implement what I say into actions. 

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These pictures were taken a while back when I filmed my autumn try on haul (link). Though I won’t be wearing light pink pants anymore – I do have the same pants in a dark burgundy color which is so perfect for this time a year.

Blouse: Lindex // Pants: Cubus // Vest: Nelly.com // Hijab: Modanisa // Shoes: Store in Miami

Elizabeth

Early morning walks

I just love snuggling up in cozy jumpers and this has absolute been my favorite the last couple of days.

This was taken a couple of days back when we were out for a early (late) walk. It was actually before 12 o’clock which meant not too many people on the streets. So I made sure to take out my camera, set it up on the stroller and do a little photo shoot.

Jumper: Gina Tricot // Pants: Bik Bok // Shirt: Bik Bok // Scarf: Nelly.com

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Before I forget there will be a new video up on my YouTube channel today at 14 pm. I’ll be taking a look at my old diaries and reading some of the stories from way back in the days.

Happy Sunday!

Elizabeth