In deep concentration while figuring out how to make this shot. I actually ended up with 57 points in the end which is average but I did win the match between my mum and I.
The sun only picked out a couple of hours in the early morning and afternoon before it turned quite cold and cloudy so I’m glad I wore something warmer. Not bad being a hijabi in Scandinavia when the summer is very bearable.
You may think I’m oppressed by the way you stare at me. That I’m not free to make my own decision. Maybe you think I’m forced to cover up my beauty.
I guess it bothers you that I choose what to show and withhold from the world. But the truth is that a veil like the hijab represents so much more then what you see.
We don’t lie or steal, drink or smoke. We think before we talk and watch our tongue.
We choose to wear it, to be among the best of people.
I hope one day you can see past my veil and see who I truly am. Because my freedom is not determined whether I show my hair or flaunt my body. And remember that the hijab represents so much more than a cover to your hair.
Today I put on make up. I covered my face because I thought it would get better. I covered up the blemishes on my face just like I cover up my feelings. I hid up my red checks just like I hide myself. I thought I would feel better but I didn’t. The harsh truth looked back at me and said; ‘who is this?’. I couldn’t recognize myself with the black long lashes, overdrawn lips and painted cheekbones.
I’m left with a big question mark because I can’t understand how I have made myself believe that I’m less beautiful. We hide the imperfect human being God created us to be. But somehow we all aim to be perfect.
Today was not a good day and even though I want to post an uplifting image, I can’t hide what my heart is feeling. I want to scream and cry at the same time and shake those around me and ask them how they can’t see that I’m hurting. I want to cry my eyes out because I’m broken inside.
My home office today. I always get the couch or the bed, but I don’t mind. At least I get to update you once in a while. I know I have been neglecting to write. I don’t know where to start. Should I tell you the whole story or only put to words the ‘perfect’ picture? It’s easy to hide behind a screen, for me and for you. I still have the control but if I share it all, you will get it. You will get the control to judge me, and I don’t know if I’m ready for that.
It’s been snowing the last couple of days just when I thought winter was over. We had a green holiday but I guess winter comes every year. At least I have three days off now so I will be enjoying the snow from inside.
I thought it was time for a heart-to-heart again. I have something that I have on my mind and it’s just not going away till I get it out.
It’s so often that we’re being labeled by others. Other people that don’t know you, that only see you at work or school.
I’m being labeled and I hate it. What have I’ve not been called by someone? Probably everything in the book, and if not to my face then behind my back. I hear all the time that I look like a bitch or even act like one sometimes or that I’ve got an attitude. Well, I’m not like that at all. And if the people around me calling me those things would know even half the person I am inside they would see me in a different way. But they don’t see and don’t understand.
When I was younger I always saw myself as a shy person and I never really said much. I never voiced my opinion and made sure that people wouldn’t hear me. Over the years that apparently changed and even my best friend said to me that the first time she saw me she though I looked mean.
Now, I know that I’m not like that, neither mean, a bitch or have an attitude, but it hurts my feelings when people say that about me. I don’t know what I’m suppose to do but I refuse to change because of them. I just feel misunderstood.
Never waste your feelings on people who don’t value them.