You’re suppose to feel this overwhelming sense of joy when you’re pregnant. And anything else would just be unusual.
Well, it’s not. Your body goes through A LOT of changes in only 9 months. And even though you might be the only one knowing it for the first months, you’ll rapidly start to grow and show. And you can’t make your body stop getting bigger. You can exercise and eat as healthy as one only can with daily cravings, but in the end, you’ll get big.
You’ll hear comments like; “You’ve gotten so big. Are you sure there aren’t two in there”. It’s frustrating cause it’s like no one knows what you’re actually going through. And who knows if you’ll ever get back to the size you were before. The invisible pressure is definitely there.
Even as this is my second child I’m much bigger than what I was with my first. I keep telling myself that I’ll get back to my ‘normal’ self and this in it self is a miracle. But as much as it is a miracle, and I am truly grateful to be a mother again, I can’t help to feel like I’m not myself.
I don’t feel sexy in my body, I don’t feel as confident. Most of the time I feel bloated and like I have to pee every hour. I’ll never have my abs back to normal and my bellybutton will most likely not go back to it’s normal self. And I feel guilty for feeling this way. Because my body is getting bigger and I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror, even though I’m creating a human being inside of me.
noun | self-re·spect | self-ri-ˈspekt |
a proper respect for oneself as a human being
Don’t dress up to seek the admiration of other people.
The glances and looks or even stares.
Do you really want this?
You say you want respect but how can you get it,
when all you do is showing your beauty to the outside world for recognition.
You say you want to fall in love with your mind but you only display our body.
Since I was sixteen I’ve loved dermalogica and have used it ever since. I started off with their ultra calming cleanser because I had the typical “teenage skin”. Dry and sensitive with a lot of redness. I used that cleanser for a while before I change over to their special cleansing gel. Since I have a combination of sensitive to dry skin I need something that is mild and dermalogica provides that for me. I also love that you can remove any make-up with their cleansers, even though I always use a face wipe beforehand.
I started off using their daily microfoliant that gently exfoliates any skin type. It’s rice-based powder activates with water leaving your skin smoother and brighter.
After a while though I wanted something that gave me an even deeper exfoliation. And the skin prep scrub treatment gave me exactly that. It also improves absorption of moisturizing creams and treatments. You only need a small amount and I use this once to twice a week. Preferably with an exfoliating scrub to maximize the use of the product.
After the cleanser and possible also the scrub I finish of my skin care routine with my all time favorite, the skin smoothing cream. I’ve used this since I started with the brand and haven’t found a cream better suited for my skin. It’s perfect if you have a combination/dry skin. And if I have extremely dry periods I’ve found myself using dermalogica’s intensive moisture balance cream. This is an ultra-rich moisturizer for dry skin, perfect for cold winter days.
From the age of twenty it is recommend to use an eye cream and since I’ve just had a baby and a lot of sleepless nights this is a must for me. Right now I’ve only used tester and therefor haven’t chosen one that I must have. But to apply your eye cream properly you use your ring finger which gives the least amount of pressure and gently dap a little bit under the eye and upwards towards the temples.
I will definitely keep on using dermalogica because this is one of my all time favorite skin care brands. It’s affordable and it lasts from 6 months to a year which is definitely worth the money.
I haven’t had that many cravings during my pregnancy other then the occasional chocolate, ice cream and carrot.. yes, lots of carrots lately. But thats not what I wanted to share. My new favorite food is actually banana pancakes.
I don’t know who came up with this cleaver and easy meal but I first tasted it after Blogilates shared the recipe. I did struggle with flipping the pancake and getting it done on both side but after some tries and fails I finally found out what works the best. The best part is that you only need two ingredients, amazing right! It’s super healthy and they’re already sweet so you don’t necessarily need any toppings. So here’s how you do it.
♥ 2 eggs ♥ 1 banana ♥ Olive oil
1. Mix two eggs and the banana with a fork or in a mixer.
2. Use a frying pan on low heat, add your cooking oil and pour the batter with a spoon to make small pancakes.
3. Wait a couple of minutes, the first side usually needs long then the second one. And once it’s easy to remove you flip the pancake over.
Perfect for a mid-day snack or maybe even breakfast with your favorite smoothie.
I took a well deserving break in London, and I decided not to write as you may have noticed. I need to enjoy the moment and re-charge, and working on not being ‘online’ all the time. I’ve noticed that all these social media’s, especially snap, instagram and Facebook, which you are suppose to have, are stressing me out. I read about this the other day and it said that it is the routine you’ve made through these apps that make you addicted. For instance, you have to check your phone when you wake up, and it’s part of your morning routine. I tune in to snapchat, instagram and Facebook because I think that I’ve missed something while I was asleep. I take my phone everywhere, it’s become my safety blanket. If I think I’m being noticed or watched out on the street, I take my phone out and act as if I’m scrolling down to read something important. I take it with me to bed, to the bathroom and I can’t remember a day I went without it.
It’s scary, being addicted. Even though we think it’s harmless, I think it’s destroying our image of people today. We strive to be perfect, and we think everything is picture perfect. Then when an obstacle comes we do not know what to do, thinking we are the only once experiencing it. This has made me consider to delete my social media and not being pushed or forced to check it all the time. Maybe this will give me an inner peace.
Today I put on make up. I covered my face because I thought it would get better. I covered up the blemishes on my face just like I cover up my feelings. I hid up my red checks just like I hide myself. I thought I would feel better but I didn’t. The harsh truth looked back at me and said; ‘who is this?’. I couldn’t recognize myself with the black long lashes, overdrawn lips and painted cheekbones.
I’m left with a big question mark because I can’t understand how I have made myself believe that I’m less beautiful. We hide the imperfect human being God created us to be. But somehow we all aim to be perfect.
Today was not a good day and even though I want to post an uplifting image, I can’t hide what my heart is feeling. I want to scream and cry at the same time and shake those around me and ask them how they can’t see that I’m hurting. I want to cry my eyes out because I’m broken inside.
So as I drove home today I started thinking. About life, more specific about death, the part of life we hardly talk about but thousands of people are faced with every day.
Today I was scared of dying. I feared my death, but then I held on to my faith and remember that the only thing stronger than fear is faith. And as I drove home I rested my faith in God’s hands and believed that He would know. If He wanted me to die, He would know.
I started thinking about if I would be content, if I would have said all the things I wanted to say to the people I love, and do all the things I intend to do in my life. But as I drove I started thinking that if I died tonight I would at least know that I tried to become a better person. And all the stupid mistakes I’ve done in my past I’ve e learned from and to know that I never want to become that person again was reshoring. Because if I hadn’t gone through the things I’ve struggled with I would never have learned to know myself and never grow and be content with who I am and who I’m capable of being.
I came home safe and sound and was even more grateful that God had given me on more night, because my life is really a gift. A gift from God that can be taken away at any second. Be sure to live your life, take chances when they come around, don’t wait for the perfect moment – make the moment perfect, say what you’ve always wanted to say to friends and family, live with no regrets, but also be the best version of yourself.