Maybe you’re drifting apart for a reason. Those missed calls or dinners where no one ever showed up or bothered to let you know they’re not coming. Maybe it’s for a reason. It’s part of a bigger picture – one that you might not understand right now. Your paths are not the same. You grow up and sometimes you grow apart from the people you once used to be. Even though it saddens your heart to know the truth, you know that the people you’re leaving behind are not good for your future.
Days, weeks and even months go by without a call or text. And you start to wonder if you ever meant anything to these people or were you just a moment in time for them. You find yourself always being the one on the other end, reaching out for contact but they hardly ever seem to find the time for you. And you release it’s a dead end.
The end is here and I’m left with an empty and sad feeling inside me. I couldn’t really put my finger on it before but now I know that it’s because our blessed month of Ramadan has ended. We’ve lost a dear friend and we can only pray that we’ll be here to greet our beloved month next year.
I was so scared before Ramadan started and was scared I wouldn’t be able to fast and work at the same time. Though it was challenging and tiring at times, I felt an empowerment and for every day it became easier even though the fasting hours became longer.
Let’s take our good deeds beyond this month and keep it in our mind that everyday can be like a day in Ramadan.
I pray that Allah will accept all of our good deeds this past Ramadan & may He forgive you & I for our sins. May Allah bless & guide you. Ameen.
You know what I’ve just found out? You can almost never plan anything when you have a baby. Today my plan was to make a YouTube video after a long, long time. I started setting up my camera, finding the right light and position. But before I knew it I had to rush towards a cough and cry, and in that moment knocked over my tripod and camera. It flew to the floor and landed under the bed. When I came back I couldn’t get the power on which probably means that it needs to be shipped to reparation. Then after a feed and diaper change I tried again, now with my iPhone. I found the right light and position with the baby next to me. And to my surprise I didn’t manage to film more than a minute due to lack of storage. Story of my life. Now the last solution was my MacBook, but after filming with the webcamera, it’s neither HD which it said it was and the sound is rubbish. So goodbye YouTube career. Maybe this is the univers telling me to stick to writing?
I’ve lost all the motivation that I woke up to this morning. And it doesn’t help that it’s grey and foggy outside. I have to try and turn this day around. At least I have good company.
Love – Time – Death
“We long for love, we wish we had more time, and we fear death.”
A universal connection we all share. And this relevant subject can touche anyone. Behind the movie is a sad and emotional story. But I do not want to talk about the storyline of the film, but rather what it represents and what it can teach us.
We have all lost something in our life. A loved one, a friend or maybe ourself. It’s a natural part of life but most of us would rather not speak about that vital part of life. It’s scary. And we cannot go around every day thinking that this might be our last day, but we should be more aware that it can be. Life is not fair. Some people live to see hundred years and others don’t even pass the age of six. Some die because of a disease and others of natural causes.
We don’t give life and we don’t take it, we only live it. It’s cruel and unfair this journey of life. And when it ends those who are left are the once who are hurting.
So try and find beauty in meaningful moments in a bad circumstance.
I won’t allow myself to cry. My tears will stay dry before they fall into my hand where you used to hold on to. But now you’ve let go and my tears are drowning in my eyes. My vision is gone and my heart is blinded. The emptiness carries on and grows in my soul. No one ever hears me even when I scream. The ache is still here after all these years. Even when you’re so close to me it never leaves. I feel your hand slowly slipping away. I fade away to my own distraction and I’m lost without you.
Today was a mess, at least emotionally it was. I hardly write anything personal but I’ve felt so disconnected the last couple of days and only wrote the necessary. My head full with unanswered questions and my heart still holding on to the little bit of hope I have left. I’m not going to get into details but just writing that little phrase there helped. Talking helps, but nobody asks so there’s no one to tell my worries to. I write, but who reads my journals? That’s why it’s all just a mess.
I don’t want to complain because I’m having an amazing holiday and I’m so glad time stands a little bit more still here. Even now I still got 2 weeks left. But the thing that had me wanting to fly home right this second is fading and I’m scared. I’m scared I’ll come home to emptiness with a broken heart. I guess that’s what happens when you open your heart and you’re blinded by how much control another person has for your feelings. I could blame myself, that I dove in way too fast again. And all I’m left with now is checking my phone every five minutes.
When we love we love a lot. And even when the love is fading we hold on to the minimal love that is left and hope that our feelings will renew.
How much can you change for another person before losing yourself?