Leaving you behind will be one of the hardest things I’ll have to do. You are growing up and I wish I could go back and experience it all again. Even the long, sleepless nights. The laughter and heartbreak. It’s going too fast and soon it’s gone. I can’t even remember the little things. Your first smile or the first time you laughed. This time last year I had you so close, our hearts beating next to each other. Can we go back together, just you and I? Let’s live it again, even the hard times. I wouldn’t want it any other way because it was you. It was always you.
Momma loves you.
A 100 days ago I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. 4920 grams and 50 cm of pure love wrapped into one tiny human being. 3 months later I can see her smiling back at me when I look at her and all of my worries fade away. The world stops for minute and it’s just us. Then the noise from the outside world start tumbling in again but that smile remains. And after 9 long months she is finally kicking her feet of joy and excitement. There is nothing more beautiful and precious than to see your children grow up right beside you. And losing either one of them would be my greatest fear.
Tomorrow will be my first day back at work since going out on maternity leave 3 weeks before my baby girl came. My head is totally ready for it but my heart is still yearning to be with my child. I’m overwhelmed with emotions and don’t really know what to focus on. But I know it will be good for me, and I’m ready to take the leap.
The first Saturday in September, 3 months after giving birth, I’m back at it, and I’m ready.
I’ve just scrolled threw all of the videos I’ve taken this past year with my son. Trying to soak up every sent and smell from him as long as possible. Kissing him as soon as the opportunity arrives because I know that I have to go back to work, leaving him for X amount of hours every day. I don’t even want to think about it but I know that is the reality. I wish I could rewind and do it all over again. The light night feeds, the first smile and laugh, and even all the diaper changes. I wouldn’t mind it at all if it meant I could spend it with my first born child again.
Everyone says the time will go fast but it truly ran away from me when he turned 6 months. Until then I had some sort of grip on the time I had with him, but when he started being more mobil and communicating more, even the fact that he started eating solids made a huge difference. I didn’t have that closeness to him as I did before and now he’s walking everywhere, being so active and milk from me is no longer interesting.
I don’t know what the future holds or how our days will develop, and to be honest I’m sacred of the unknown. But to be truthful I was scared before I got my son too and it turned out pretty awesome.
I can’t believe it’s been half a year
Time flied by like a night in disguise
One second ago I held you close
Two little feet, ten little toes
First a smile, then a laugh
Now six months later you’re rolling around
Finding your hands to your toys
Soon you’ll be able to walk and talk
While you’re growing up, we’re growing old
Stop time a little so we can be with you even more
There is no rush, so I’ll stop searching for the next milestone
And enjoy the time with our firstborn child
It was early Wednesday morning. The sun had made its way out behind the trees far away at the east. I awaited nervously for the two lines to appear. Anticipation was rising and even though I knew, I waited for five minutes.
I watched my reflection in the mirror and couldn’t help but to smile back. An exiting time was ahead. There we were, two instead of just one. I went back to bed wondering who you would become.
Now one year later I can finally hear you laugh, see you smile and hold you close. Knowing now that my life was never complete without you here.
To be honest today hasn’t been the best day. Exhausting in some ways but most of all tiering. I’m absolutely ready to fall asleep any minute now but before I do I wanted to share my blessings instead of my complains. Because there is truly so much we can be grateful for each and every day.
When you see your child smiling
The best feeling in the world is when you see your baby smiling back at you, and you haven’t even done anything, just shown them your face. It melts my heart right down to the ground.
We often take our health for granted and only realize how lucky we are when we get a cold or get sick. There are so many people suffering from so much more and it can be a daily battle to get to the next day. So being well and healthy is something we shouldn’t take lightly.
Food on the table
It’s amazing that we can fill up our fridge whenever we want and we only need to take a couple of steps into the kitchen to get water. Imagine struggling everyday, not knowing if you’ll find food or water the next day. We should always keep reminding ourself how blessed we are.
Family and friends
Lastly I’m grateful for my amazing friends who have supported me and been there through it all. They are less than a handful but I can truly say they have been there through it all. And my family, especially my mother, has been a huge rock for me to lean on whenever I need.
Before you complain about what you don’t have or how awful your life is, take a step back and look at the big picture. You’ll probably see that you have more than enough so count your blessings and not your complains.
One problem that I have is that I don’t know how to relax. Somehow I have it in my brain that I always have to do something. I can’t just take a breather. And if I do take a minute or two to relax.. and just be, before I know it I’ll be thinking about the next thing I feel I have to do. But that’s the thing, I don’t really have anything I have to do. I guess it’s just all in my head and that’s something I have to work on. Well, now that the little one is sleeping I have to try and sprint to the shower and freshen up a little. Who knows when the next feeding session will arrive or the next diaper change will occur. Little things like brushing your teeth suddenly get forgotten and you get used to seeing yourself in sweatpants with no make-up on. Wish me luck.
When we live in a world
were being ‘ugly’ is a crime
and you gotta be hot to survive
You just have to submit before
the angel of death arrives
You may think it’s ugly
or i doesn’t fit your shoes
but on the day of judgement
this wont’ be any excuse
People may tell you it’s a sign of oppression
and under a man’s command
but it’ll come a day
where everyone will be asked a question
Will you then have the answer in your right hand?
Even though hijab isn’t in style
neither on the first page on a magazine
I promise you’ll smile
because this world lasts only for awhile
and with this smile
you can walk through every mile
So dear sister, do yourself a favor
Start to fight your own Jihaad
and don’t let your last day
be the first day you wear the hijab
I always say that every new day is a new beginning. A clean slate. A plank piece of white paper waiting to be filled with todays achievements and goals. So today my clean, white slate will be filled with laughter and smiles to the world. With love and commitment towards my job. I will make the best out of today because today is all I have.
I passed the theory for my drivers test today. Finally I took it after dreading it for almost 6 months. I got 45 questions and you can only have 7 wrong answers. Luckily I only got 2 wrong answers but my heart was raising so fast when I was about to click finish and I was so scared I wouldn’t pass. But I did and I’m so happy right now. This is just one of the many reasons why I’m happy right now.