I can’t really explain my absence the last months. Sometimes it’s hard to describe feelings into words, and you have no clue why things happen. I’m only 19 years old and should have the whole world in front of my feet. But it doesn’t exactly help to hear all kinds of advice from colleagues, family or friends. There is no way they can put their feelings and trouble aside and look inside my head and see what is going on.
Everyone is going through something, cause we can’t always be happy – it is mentally impossible. For me, when I’m happy, I’m ecstatic. I’m on top of the world, like happiness is something I’ve never felt before. I have moments of happiness too but they fade away just as quickly as then came. And when I’m down I beat myself up over all the wrongs and should have’s. It’s hard to just be and let everything go because I always feel some sort of responsibility. At work, at home or to myself.
The day only has 24 hours, 9 of which go to sleeping, 8 hours go to work and 1 hour goes to commuting back and forth from work. Exercise takes about 2 hours, which leads us to 4 hours left to live. Is that enough, having 4 hours of spare time?
I’m just saying, there is not enough hours in the day to do everything we want or have to do. So spare with me, I’m trying my best.